To the one who saved my life
by Queenhydra
Summary: After the third impact, Shinji and Asuka are on their own in a strange and lonely world. In this world Shinji tries to find his happiness but he cannot stop thinking about Kaworu. Meanwhile the angel of free will has a wish of his own.
1. Prologue

Shinji, if I was never an angel and you weren't a pilot would I be able to make you happy? It's strange to say but when you killed me that was the happiest moment of my life. I really loved you but you were so fragile, I couldn't touch you. Even when I shared my feelings, you retracted and became closed off. You wouldn't let anyone in so I couldn't figure out how you felt about me.

Being an angel it shouldn't have bothered me. I shouldn't have cared what a human feels. You weren't a part of my original purpose; you were just a human and nothing more. You were barely an obstacle in my path to Adam. Yet for some reason I became obsessed with finding your true feelings for me. It was because of this obsession I was able to find my purpose in life, which had nothing to do with Adam or being Tabris, the Angel of Free Will. The reason for my existence as Nagisa Kaworu was simply to meet you and that gave my life meaning. No longer was my life controlled by SEELE and their vision of the world.

Most importantly I found that you returned those feelings of love. With this wondrous discovery, I was no longer an angel sent to destroy human kind. I was an individual that was capable of love and being loved.

Thank you Shinji. My life had meaning all because of you.

Though I do wish I could have done one thing before I died. I wish that somehow, I could make you happy. In some way I want you to be as happy as you made me.

Shinji I wish you would open your heart.

**Prologue end**


	2. Chapter 1 End of Third Impact

Ikari Shinji and Soryu Asuka sat on the small piece of land surrounded by a nearly dead world and red sea. They only had each other now everyone else was dead. There was a lot they were feeling but neither of them could even look at each other.

Had they failed the world and those who were counting on them? Was this what they wanted all along? Was there anyone left at all? So many questions and confusing thoughts ran through their heads.

Instrumentality, was that a dream or a nightmare. Used like tools their whole lives. A future that should have been theirs had now been taken by selfish adults and their attempt to become god. Their whole lives have led to that, now they were left with nothing.

What was next? There was no one left to tell Shinji what to do. He felt broken, his heart in pieces. He couldn't even bare to speak to Asuka, what was there to say. Instead he simply sat on the desolate rock, starring at the red water before him, wondering what he was going to do with himself. He thought about Misato, his mother, Rei, and Kaworu. All were people that cared for him, all died for him. He couldn't understand why anyone would do that especially for him, a person so useless it's disgusting.

He once thought his happiness laid in protecting those he cared about but it turned out he couldn't protect them even with the mighty Eva. He failed. He tried closing off his heart completely so no one could get close to him. He did this so he wouldn't get hurt. Though that only led to the death of the only who said he loved Shinji. There was absolutely nothing he could do, everywhere he turned some one died, left him, or got hurt. Asuka described him perfectly "Degusting", disgustingly human.

Not baring this suffocating silence next to Asuka any longer, Shinji stood up and started to walk along the torn land. Seeking something that didn't look like the disgusting world in front of him, the sea of ruin and despair.

Leaving Asuka to sit in silence, Shinji didn't notice Asuka's tears.  
>As he walked along the strip of land, he noticed that the sea of death and decay was everywhere depressing him even more so. Was there anyone left? His mother said that people could come back if they wanted. Did only he and Asuka come back?<p>

As he stared into spaced he wanted the world to go back to the way it was. He didn't understand the world but it had to be better than this. He wondered who could come back.

Kensuke was nowhere near here so maybe he could. Misato and the NERV team died before third impact so they probably couldn't either. That also meant Kaworu couldn't come back.

His mind flashed to the moment he saw Kaworu briefly as Lilum. That strange an unexplained surge of happiness seeing him again. . If his happiness was anywhere to be found. Kaworu probably knew where to look. Those sweet words he said to Shinji, no one had told him before. For once in Shinji's life he felt like he mattered, Kaworu gave him that. Shinji wished Kaworu could come back so he could take back that horrible moment when he killed the one who said he loved him.

Shinji shook his head trying to get the memory of Kaworu's crushed form in the hands of his Eva. That horrible, horrible moment, Kaworu's blood was all over the Eva's hands. Yet despite Kaworu's mangled form, he had a smile plastered on his face that remained after he died.

_Why would you be smiling Kaworu, I killed you?_ Ever since that day Shinji had asked himself that question.

"I'm so lost right now," Shinji said to himself "Just what do I do next?"  
>He waited a moment but no one came to tell him what he should do. Things were different now; he couldn't survive the way he did before. He had to figure out a new way to live. To understand himself and to finally learn how to love himself.<p>

"I guess the next thing would be to do and find someone maybe a place that isn't wrecked," Shinji said "I wonder if Asuka will go with me. I don't want to be alone."

As Shinji returned to Asuka. He noticed some lights in the distance, artificial lights. So there were people left. Shinji decided to go seek them out.

"What would you do? Misato? Kaworu?" asked Shinji "Your so much stronger than I am you would know better."

He waited but neither Misato nor Kaworu's voice ever answered. The world was simply filled with an eerie silence. Shinji's eye started to fill with tears he lost them for good. He was never going to get them back.

"How could I have been so stupid," said Shinji "To not know what I had."

Meanwhile in some unknown place filled with nothing but white light, Nagisa Kaworu awakes from a strange slumber. He finds himself unable to move, he could barely open his eyes.

_Where am I? I'm dead aren't I? So why do I feel so tired and weak?_

Not being able to do anything Kaworu simply remained as his was lying on the floor of the strange white place. Lost in his thoughts he wondered if this was the final resting place for Angels like him. It felt comfortable but it wasn't heaven for him. Heaven was somewhere else; on earth with the one he loved.

Kaworu wished he could be with Shinji and make him happy but he had no regrets. This was after all what he wanted. To die by Shinji's hand and to know how he felt. Kaworu thought he would be at peace but for some reason that wasn't the case. There was an aching in his heart Shinji was suffering and there was nothing Kaworu could do to get to him.

Suddenly, Kaworu heard Shinji's voice saying his name.

_Shinji is calling me. I have to go to him but how? I want to see you again; Shinji but I don't know how to get to you._

Then Kaworu grew more tired and could no longer keep his open. He closed his eyes and fell asleep again dreaming of Shinji's face.


	3. Chapter 2 A New Beginning

Disclaimer: It occurred to me that I forgot to mention that I'm combining both the anime and manga versions of Evangelion in this story. I thought I'd clarify that before continuing so no one gets confused. Anyway thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy my story.

* * *

><p>"Asuka," Shinji called.<p>

The girl did not move she simply sat by staring into space. Asuka was in the same position Shinji left her in. She remained on the piece of land they woke up on and refused to move an inch. She was silent and refused to look at Shinji.

"Asuka we have to get moving," said Shinji "I think I found someone. Their coming we've got to go."

The girl did not budge. Shinji started pulling her arm to get her going.

"Asuka," he said "Come on."

Suddenly, something awoke in Asuka. She immediately stood up and slapped Shinji on the face.

"Don't touch me Stupid Shinji!" she said.

Paralyzed with shock, Shinji felt the sting on his cheek. He reached to touch the red burn. It was so familiar. Asuka hadn't slapped him after she fell into a coma. Tears started to come to his eyes, he missed Asuka. She was rude and loud but she was his friend. When fell into a coma, she wasn't the Asuka he cared about, she became something entirely different.

"Asuka your back," he cried "If thought you would never speak to me again."

He started to cry. As he wiped away the tears in his eyes. Asuka looked at him with a sorrowful look on her face. Unsure of what to say. No one really cared about the real Asuka except her mother who was now in heaven. She didn't how to react to a person who was worried about her.

"Don't be an idiot," she whispered "Let's get out of here this place is depressing me."

She started to walk away. Shinji managed a weak smile and followed her.

Shinji and Asuka followed the artificial lights in the distance. Wondering who was on the other side of them. Would it be a familiar face, a stranger, or someone with malicious intent? In any case at least they knew someone else was alive.

They wondered through the wrecked world for what seemed like forever endlessly chasing the lights that seemed to only get farther away. It was like wandering through a dream. During their whole entire walk, Shinji couldn't help but blame himself for the current state of the world. Though another forced him to shape the world like this, it doesn't change the fact that it was his hand and his Eva unit that took action. Those actions resulted in more deaths and destroyed lives.

The whole irony of it all was that he never really wanted to go back into Eva Unit 1, he just did it because it was Misato's request and to help Asuka. If he had refused to pilot it this never would have happened. If he had just refused perhaps Misato wouldn't have died. If he had refused to pilot the Eva in the first place then perhaps no one would have died. If he had just refused.

"Hey there are kids over here!"

Suddenly, Shinji's train of thought was interrupted by a group of yelling people.

"There are kids here, hey we're over here," Shouted another voice.

"Hey," Shinji meekly replied.

Two men and a woman approached Asuka and Shinji. For a second Shinji hoped they were the missing NERV team who had helped him pilot the Eva. However, when they got closer, it was clear they were completely different people. It was disappointing, he wished for familiar face. The face of a person he didn't fail.

The woman was thin with long dark hair and green eyes. She wore hiking equipment; she was probably exploring the mountains when Third Impact occurred. One of the men was also wearing hiking equipment and looked a similar to the woman. His hair was a lighter shade than hers but they both shared the same green eyes. It was clear that they were siblings. The other man was the complete opposite of the siblings he was dressed casually in a t-shirt and jeans. His red hair was longer than most men and he seemed only a few years older than Shinji.

"Thank god we found someone else," said the woman "We've been wandering out here and couldn't reach anyone."

"You guys aren't hurt or anything are you?" asked the dark haired man.

"No, we're not," replied Asuka.

"That's good. My name is Toshiro and this is my sister, Sakura."  
>"And I'm Koji," said the red haired man.<p>

"I'm Asuka and this is stupid Shinji."

It didn't upset Shinji to be introduced as Stupid. He was actually glad. That was always Asuka's name for him. Hearing her call him that was a sign that she was returning to normal. He wondered if he too would eventually return to normal whatever normal was for him.

"That's a little mean Asuka-san," said Sakura "You shouldn't call people stupid."

"I'll call people whatever I want," defended Asuka.

"Wow your feisty I'll give you that. At least someone has energy after what happened but you shouldn't be so mean."  
>There was an odd silence in the air. What exactly did happen? No one could really describe it. There were so many words and feelings invoked by Instrumentality. It was hard to know what was real and what wasn't.<p>

Later the five of them made a fire and cooked some beans Sakura and Toshiro packed. Apparently, they were hiking in some nearby mountains when everything went blank all of a sudden.

"It's hard to describe what happened," said Sakura "All of these strange emotions awakened inside of me and some of those emotions were not my own. I felt like my person was mixing with many other persons. It was so horrible and yet it was so…"

"So beautiful?" inquired Koji "I know I was just exploring the shelter I was put in. My house got blow up by those monsters. Then I suddenly found myself mixed in with someone else's conscious. It was scary at first but then I also felt safe and not alone."  
>Shinji couldn't find the courage to look them in the eye. He simply stared at the ground and listened.<p>

"Yes, I know there were a lot of feelings invoke by this strange phenomenon but did anyone see anything?" asked Toshiro "Like what caused all of this and what trashed Tokyo-3?"

Everyone became silent. No one could answer him. Toshiro sighed and looked at Asuka and Shinji.

"What about you two?" he asked "What happened with you?"  
>Shinji didn't want to remember what happened within Instrumentality. Images of Rei, his mother, chocking Asuka, and his own life. They all drove him to tears. It was so beautiful but it was also horrible. That world was not the way his life should be.<br>"I don't really remember," said Shinji.

"Poor Shinji, he's in shock," said Sakura.

"What about you Asuka?" asked Koji.

"Oh it's like what you described but before that I lost a fight," she said "A very important fight. It was so unfair."

"Lost? Who were you fighting?"

"Oh, no one you would know. Hey, Shinji and I are going for a little walk ok."

"We are?" replied Shinji.

"Yes, now come on."

Asuka grabbed Shinji and dragged him away from the group. When they were deep enough Asuka let go of him.

"Hey I don't think we should tell people we were Eva pilots," she said.

"How are you going to hide that?" asked Shinji "You're still in you plug suit."

"I can just say its cosplay or something. The point is, if people find out we're Eva pilots, they might blame us for what happened and try to hurt us."

"It is my fault though."

"Stupid Shinji, it was everyone's fault NERV, the Evas, your dad. You're the least to blame."

"Yes but in the end it was my hand just like what happened with Toji and Kaworu."

Asuka paused remembering Toji's short life as an Eva pilot. That horrible moment when Eva unit 3 became an Angel while he was trapped inside. Shinji was so pure hearted he couldn't hurt Toji. Yet the Dummy Plug basically took his hands and forced him to crush the entry plug. How awful and distant Shinji had been after that, it was almost too much for Asuka to bear.

Kaworu …now that was a name she didn't recognize. Who was he? She noticed Shinji said his name with such care and that look in his eyes, Shinji seemed so sad. What was it going to take to make him happy? She didn't even know how to make herself happy.

"We've got pull through we owe it to everyone to make it," She said "For Misato, Toji, and everyone else. Don't let their sacrifices be in vain."

"Asuka…you love me right?"

"What? You try to strangle me and then ask me that?"

"It's just that, I never thought I was loved because my father never approved of me. Then someone came along and said they loved me and I killed that person. But he made me realize that I was loved all along by you, Misato, Rei, so many people. And now I think it's too late how could I have been so stupid? If I had realized it sooner than everyone…."

SLAP!

Asuka's hand stung and shocked Shinji.

"Snap out of it will you," she cried "You're alive and nothing is going to get gone if you keep feeling sorry for yourself. Sure the ones we loved died but their still with us. Always watching over us. That's what I've learn I'm going to let them down not while everyone's watching."

"Asuka…." Muttered Shinji.

"Asuka, Shinji," shouted Koji's voice.

Koji came running out of the woods shouting hysterically. When he finally got to them, he was out of breath.

"There are other survivors," he said "We heard them on the radio. Their all in the remains of Tokyo-3, we've got to hurry."

Meanwhile, Kaworu woke up again in that strange white place. Thoughts of Shinji still in his head.

_Shinji is still calling for me_ he thought.

Though his desire was clear he still found himself unable to move. He cursed his luck. Where was here anyway? This didn't seem like the place Angels go to after they died. There was nothing to be seen besides a sea of white, he couldn't make out anything. As far as he could see he was the only one here to. How annoying to be stranded here alone?

Suddenly, he saw a pool of water, a short distance away from. When did that get there has it always been there?

Still, trying to find the strength to get up, Kaworu flexed his fingers. That was all he was able to do.

_I feel so weak I can't move at all but Shinji…_

He looked at the pool of water again it was slowly growing, making its way toward him.

_I suppose if I can't get to it than its coming to me._

The water came closer and closer until it touched Kaworu. It didn't feel like liquid it was more like a person touch. He didn't like it. This touch was familiar but it didn't belong to his beloved. This touch felt disgusting as if it threatened to suffocate his very being. Still there was nothing he could do but let things happen.

"Tabris," someone called.

Kaworu recognized the voice it was one of the members of SEELE.

_Tabris, that is not my name._

"The third impact was going smoothly most of the human race left the planet," said the voice.

Kaworu's eyes widened. Shinji, what happened to Shinji? Kaworu died so Shinji could live was that all in vain?

"However, it failed halfway through. Instrumentality failed. There are still humans who remain."

_Is Shinji still alive? That's all I want to know._

"We want to bring the angels back to intergrade the remaining humans into Instrumentality."

"What good will that do?" Kaworu managed to ask "If you want Instrumentality so badly you should have gone with others who left."

"You of all people should know that humans were never meant to be on this planet. We must set things back to its original state. That means finishing all we started."

"Why me I didn't complete my mission so why not pick some other angel for you dirty work?"

"You were the secret child SEELE raised, able to pilot the Evangelion and you possess a human shape you are the only candidate for our next phase."  
>"Ah, but you've forgotten that I've been killed. My mangled and decapitated form probably still lies in NERV's underbelly."<br>"You don't need to worry about that we've had back up plan."

A back up plan? So I'm still just a tool to them. Kaworu was about to protest and refuse to do SEELE's dirty work. However, he had a will of his own. There was something he needed to do. Something he wanted more than anything in the world.

"The third child, is he still alive?"

"As far as we know, yes. But he no longer has his Eva he will not be an obstacle."

"And if I help you I will be brought make to life?"  
>"More or less."<br>If Shinji was still alive and Kaworu could be brought back, then there was no reason for him not to take the offer. Later he could just betray SEELE like he did before. Even if he ended up dying again, it would be worth it. Shinji needed him. Most importantly he longed to see Shinji again. He hated to repeat the past, he would die again just like before. Still this is what he wanted.

"Very well I'll do what you asked," replied Kaworu.

"We never gave you the option Tabris."

_Please stop calling me that._

Suddenly, the strange water enveloped Kaworu covering him completely. He wanted to struggle and scream but he could not find the power to do so.

Helpless against this strange occurrence, Kaworu was pulled downwards towards something but he could not see what it was. He assumed he was being pulled back into his body. Since there was nothing he could do, he simply let himself flow to wherever this force was pulling him. It was just like when he first fell to earth as angel born in human form. Before he only had the task that was given to him by SEELE that was all he had to do. Now, he a purpose, he was Nagasia Kaworu and he would bring happiness to Shinji.

_Just a little longer, I'm coming Shinji. _

Then everything faded to black.

Meanwhile in an underground lab, two men stare at tank that held a new body for Kaworu. The boy appeared to be sleeping peacefully as he floated inside the tank. Ever since Kaworu was born, SEELE had been creating clones for him but the only successful copy they managed to create was the one before the two men.

"It would appear that the sync is complete," said one of the men "We now have the angel back in our grasp."

"Yes, now we can proceed," said the other.

"You didn't mention that he would lose memories of his previous life."

"Losing his memory is not important. He didn't need to know. Besides he'll only forget what I told him anyways."


	4. Chapter 3 Cruel Fate

Shinji and the group found themselves in what was formerly known as Tokyo-3. Shinji's fear of no one surviving had quickly dissipated since he was surrounded by hundreds of people. There were waves of people everywhere Shinji turned; all of them possessed a sense of hopelessness in their eyes. After the Second Impact, even though people went about their daily lives, they still feared the effects of the disaster. Now the Third has happened, the end has come and there was barely any hope at all. Could the world go back to the thriving place it once was? It didn't seem likely at the moment.

Shinji searched the crowd for a familiar face. Perhaps, Kensuke or Hikari are here. Sadly he was lost in a sea of strangers even if they did survive; he wouldn't be able to spot them in this crowd.

Asuka tapped on Shinji's shoulder.

"Hey, Sakura and I are going to find some clothes for me. I've got to get out of this plug suit," she said.

"Um ok," replied Shinji.

"We'll meet you guys here later," said Sakura "So don't wonder too far."

The two women split from their group and disappeared into the sea of people. The men found a place to sit and patiently waited for the girl's return. Shinji quietly observed the area around him while Toshiro and Koji chatted.

The city that was once Tokyo-3 now seemed so lifeless even though there were so many people. The buildings were wrecked; hardly any of them seemed stable. Other than the crowd of survivors, there was no living thing in sight. No plants or animals. It was a decaying city. Shinji couldn't help but wonder if this was what it was like after Second Impact.

Most of the wreckage was actually caused before the Third Impact, during the many battles between the Evas and the Angels. No matter the reason, the fact that Shinji was the cause of this destruction still remained.

"What the hell was NERV thinking?" someone shouted.

Upon hearing that name, Shinji immediately directed his attention to the noise. A man who appeared to furious was shouting to no one in particular.

"I thought they created those machines to prevent another disaster from happening," he said "Now look at the mess we're in!"

"Yeah, things are even worse now," chimed in a woman.

"Damn that Gendou Ikari," said another man "We should have never trusted that monster."

There were more angry voices sounded out their hatred for NERV and the Eva's. Shinji's heart sank lower with every word they said. It was all true, this wouldn't have happened if NERV hadn't existed. He felt ashamed but not because of these people's anger.

"Hey calm down guys," said Toshiro.

Toshiro got up from his seat and approached the angry crowd.

"I know you're all scared and angry but pointing fingers isn't going to solve anything," said Toshiro "And think about it. NERV messed up this time but if they hadn't intervened we would have been destroyed by those monsters a long time ago."

Shinji watched the crowd as the tension slowly died. Anger still raged in some of their eyes but at least they weren't actively shouting. As he watched Toshiro return to his seat Shinji couldn't help but think of Misato.

Misato always knew what to say. Misato always was proud of Shinji and seemed to care about him more than anyone else. Misato was also the person he let down the most. Shinji was getting sick.

"Hey, that was impressive," Koji said to Toshiro.

"Well I don't want a riot to start so I did what I had to," replied Toshiro.

"Yeah that wouldn't be good. Though I think the people arranging this meet up should be responsible for the crowd."

"Speaking of which does anyone know who sent that radio message?"  
>"From the look of things, it's probably members of the Japanese government."<p>

"That's probably true I can't think of anyone else. NERV members would probably hide, considering that people are now pissed at them now."

There probably isn't any NERV members left alive. SEELE's attack wiped out the staff before the Third Impact started. That included Misato who defended him from SEELE's men to her last breath, even though he felt that he was not worth defending. He wasn't a person worth dying for and yet many have died for him. Shinji, couldn't figure out why.

Shinji felt sick. He was stranded in this sea of people. These people he was supposed to defend. It was these people who counted on him most and yet he only fought to gain the approval of his father, a father who never loved him. He let all of them down; there was no way he could get over that fact. What's worse is all the people who could help him were dead. He let them all down.

"Excuse me, I'm going for a quick walk," said Shinji.

"Hm, don't go too far you'll get lost," said Toshiro.

"Um, right."

So Shinji started to wander through the crowd. He wished he had his tape deck so he could drown out the world with classical music just like he used to. Drown out all of his sorrows just for a little while.

As he mindlessly wandered he didn't keep track of the time but it seemed like forever. After what he guessed was ten minutes, he decided to go back. He only needed a moment alone. Just as he was about to turn around and go back, he saw a brief flash of silver. He paused, staring in the direction where he thought he saw a person with silver hair. His heart had stopped beating briefly. Could it possibly be…?

Shinji shook his head, it couldn't have been him. Shinji killed him. His own hands were dirty with the blood of his closest friend.

Still a little hope burned in Shinji's heart. He found himself searching the crowd for the person with silver hair. After a few minutes of fighting the crowd, he spotted the back of a young man's head and made his way towards them. Shinji's heart pounded in his chest as several thoughts ran through his head. _Was it really him? Could he really be alive after all this? _

Tears started to form in Shinji's eyes. He couldn't see the young man's face and all he needed was one look. One look, so he could see the first person who ever openly expressed his love for Shinji. There were so many people blocking his way to the silver haired person, Shinji was so frustrated. It seemed like everyone was out to keep them apart.

Shinji pushed and shoved his way to the person. He tried to keep track of the man but occasionally someone would block his line of sight. When that happened he would panic for a moment, thinking he had lost the silver haired man. Then relief followed when Shinji spotted him again. He continued to push through.

His heart continued to rapidly beating against his chest. It was getting harder to pull back the tears. Pure joy filled his heart. Was the sin he committed wiped clean? Did he finally get someone back after so much loss? Now, he found himself staring at the back of the silver haired male's head. Shinji excitedly touched the person's shoulder.

"Kaworu," Shinji said with excitement.

"Huh?" The man turned around, revealing the freckled face of boy with green eyes, a face that clearly wasn't Kaworu's. Shinji's heart sunk.

The boy stared at Shinji with a confused expression. Embarrassed, Shinji's face turned red and he removed his hand from the boy's shoulder. His joy completely leaving him. He found it hard to swallow after realizing that the blood on his hands had not been wiped clean.

"I'm sorry," said Shinji tears halfway forming in his eyes "I thought you were my friend."

The other boy shrugged and turned away. Shinji turned as well so no one could see the oncoming tears. He didn't know why he let his hopes get so high. He was the one who killed Kaworu after all; the bloodstains on the Eva proved it. Why Shinji had any reason for Kaworu being alive was just stupid. Like Asuka always says.

He started to make his way back to the others in a gloomy state. Not paying attention to where he was going, he accidently bumped into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Shinji said without looking up.

"It's no problem," said the other person.

Shinji's heart stopped. That voice was sweet, alluring, and familiar. Shinji looked up at the mystery person. His heart forgetting to beat. His breath non-existing.

At last his brown eyes starred into a pair of crimson ones. The boy before him smiled mysteriously. His silver hair gave him an other-worldly appearance. His face was one Shinji never thought he'd see again.

Shinji couldn't find the words to speak. He found himself simply staring in shock at the other boy. Strangely enough the boy didn't seem bothered by Shinji's behavior.

"It's pretty crowded here isn't it," he said.

"Kaworu?" Shinji blurted out.

The boy briefly looked shocked but continued to smile.

"Oh you know my name?" he said.

"Of course I know your name?" replied Shinji in confusion "What makes you think I'd forget it?"

"Well, we just met didn't we? I wouldn't expect for you to know my name."

"Just met? Quit messing with me. After what happened, I didn't know what to think of myself. Then everything just went downhill. Nothing got better and I couldn't stop thinking about you and what I…what I did to you."

Kaworu paused and stared at Shinji, the smile was wiped from his face.

"I'm sorry," he said "But I think you've mistaken me for someone else."

"W-what."

Shinji didn't know what to say, what could he say? This person before him looked and sounded like his friend. How could he mistake a stranger for a person he cared about? He even shared Kaworu's name. Shinji was certain that he had the right person.

Could Kaworu have forgotten him? How could he? He said he loved Shinji and he was Kaworu's killer. It was hard to forget a person like that. Did he hate Shinji for killing him? It didn't make any sense at all.

"You don't remember me?" said Shinji "It's me, Ikari Shinji, The third child."

Kaworu shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't know you."

"Oh then I must –I must have the wrong person."

Shinji's body started to tremble, tears forming in his eyes.

"I'll leave you alone now," he said "I-I'm sorry." Then Shinji turned away from Kaworu and started to run.

Shinji looked towards the ground as he ran, tears dripping down his face. He was so confused. Kaworu said he loved Shinji and even died for him, how could he forget? Even worse what if that boy only looks like Kaworu and just happens to have a similar name. What if Shinji did just mistake the boy for the angel? That would mean, Kaworu is dead and Shinji lost him forever.

He lost so much already. When was he going to get anything back? When was he going to stop losing people? When was he going to find his happiness? Shinji wished the answer was right in front of him. He wanted someone to tell him how to fix everything. He had nothing now. His parents, Rei, Misato, Kaworu, and even his Eva were gone. He was never going to get any of them back.

Kaworu watched the boy run away perplexed by the situation. That boy seemed hurt. Was it because Kaworu wasn't the person the boy thought he was? Kaworu decided to drop the subject for now. The other boy didn't seem familiar to him at all and he had a job to do. As Kaworu proceeded to move through the crowd, he noticed something odd about himself. He had a strange feeling.

He came to this world a few hours ago. Brought to life by SEELE. When he awoke in the tube, he had no recollection of his individuality. He remembered that was an angel and that SEELE had given him a human form. They told him about the Evas and how he was once a pilot but he failed his mission to unite with Adam. Now neither Adam nor Lilith exist anymore. It was up to Kaworu to restore the earth to the way it was meant to be.

He wasn't sure how he was supposed to do that without Adam. However, SEELE knew and with the help of technology he would be able to full fill his duty. That was the purpose of his existence as an angel; he was willing to carry it out.

Yet he felt neither proud nor obligated to preform that duty. He felt nothing. He only proceeds because he felt it was necessary.

Now, after running into Ikari Shinji, Kaworu felt something different a strange form of satisfaction and fulfillment. All just by meeting and talking to Shinji. It was as if….

Kaworu smiled and quietly spoke "It was as if I was born simply to meet him."  
>A strange sense of Déjà vu came over Kaworu. As he disappeared into the crowd, he felt as though he had said something similar before.<p>

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><p><strong>Author's note<strong>: Thanks so much for reading, sorry it took so long to update. I'm going to try a new goal and update a new chapter every two weeks so we'll see how that works. I'd also like to thank everyone for the nice reviews, they really motivated me to write. I'm glad a lot of other people like this couple as much as I do. Please continue looking for my updates, I'll do my best to update quickly.


	5. Chapter 4 Born to Meet You

Shinji returned to the others with a sorrowful look on his face. He couldn't understand why Kaworu didn't recognize him. It made no sense. Shinji ran every possibility through his head, Kaworu was mad at him, amnesia, but none of those explanations seemed logical. However, there was one answer that did make sense, one Shinji had trouble accepting. The Kaworu he just met is a different Kaworu, one who looked like the angel but lived a completely different life. This would mean the boy that Shinji knew was dead, Shinji had gained nothing back.

"Hey what's wrong?" asked Toshiro.

Shinji jumped at the sudden attention. He looked at both Koji and Toshiro who wore concerned expressions. Shinji looked to the ground and said "It's nothing." But he knew they wouldn't believe him.

"If you don't want to talk about it that's fine," said Toshiro.

"Yeah, this whole thing has made everyone depressed," said Koji "No one is really sure what to do next or even if it's worth a try. I mean there's nothing to stop a Forth Impact from happening."  
>"Hey don't say stuff like that! You'll make it worse."<p>

"Sorry didn't mean to ruffle feathers. Anyway what's taking the girls so long?"

"Knowing Asuka," said Shinji "She's probably rejecting every option Sakura's giving her. She can be picky."

Toshiro and Koji laughed though Shinji didn't realize he had made a joke.

"Yeah she does seem like the type that would that," said Toshiro.

"Asuka's cute but I bet she gave you a run for your money, huh Shinji?" said Koji.

"Huh, what do you mean?" asked Shinji.

"Oh don't deny it. You look like a shy guy but I bet you're a real ladies' man underneath it all."

Shinji's face turned red. Ladies' man? What was he talking about? Shinji guessed he could be mistaken for that kind of person since most of his good friends were girls but he never made "moves" on any of them. He never even thought about them that way, how could Koji say he was a ladies' man?

"I'm, I'm not like that," he stuttered.

"Sure you're not Shinji," said Koji.

"Oh come on Koji, quit messing with him," defended Toshiro "You'll blow his cover."

"Cover?" shouted Shinji "What are you guys talking about?"

Shinji looked at the smiles on their faces and realized they were simply joking. The mood was so heavy before, they needed something to lift it. So Shinji smiled too and played along.

"You're just saying those things because you're the real ladies' man Koji," he said.

"Ha ha you got me what gave it away?"

"The way you were looking at Asuka."  
>"Hey now Shinji, Asuka is way too young for me. I prefer a woman with bigger boobs and taller frame. That's why I was looking at Sakura."<p>

"Hey, that's my sister you're talking about," chimed Toshiro.

The three of them burst into laughter. Shinji noticed a few heads turning in their direction. The sudden laughter was strange in the sea of sorrow but it was relieving.

"What's so funny?" said Asuka's voice.

The three of them turned their heads to see Sakura and Asuka standing by watching them. Asuka was wearing a brand new red one piece dress. It reminded Shinji of the yellow dress she used to wear.

"Oh it's nothing," said Koji "Glad to see your back."  
>"Sorry it took so long," said Sakura "We had a hard time finding a store that was still intact."<p>

"Wait, some place was actually open for business?"

"Oh no, we just found a dress and took it. Stealing is justified in emergencies."

"Wow Sakura has a dark side. It looks nice on her though. Good choice Asuka."

Asuka smiled confidently.

"Why thank you," she said "It was the only decent option available. All the others were either garbage or looked like a pervert designed it."

The three men snickered; this was exactly what they were talking about earlier. Asuka opened her mouth to speak but before she could ask anything, a loud voice boomed over the crowd.

"Attention! Attention!" he shouted.

Everyone's eyes turned towards the source of the noise. A group of men stood on a large piece of concrete so they could be seen by the large crowd. One of them held a megaphone and continued to call for attention. Shinji noticed that the men all wore suits; he thought it was strange that they were dressed so nicely even though everyone else looked like a train wreck. Only Asuka would care what they looked like after a disaster. When everyone's eyes were on the group of men, the one holding the megaphone starting a speech.

"I'm Shibuya Akira a representative of the Japanese government," he said "I know your all scared and confused due to the recent catastrophe. Rest assured that we are working on the situation now."  
>Shinji searched the crowd; the man's words did not spark even a glimmer of hope among the people.<p>

"We don't know what caused this disaster but we are looking into it. In the mean time we've gathered everyone here to help the victims and to get everyone into a safe location. If you could please split into groups and follow one of the volunteers to a shelter. We'll have more answers for you soon. That is all."

"That's all!" someone shouted.

"Yeah, what the hell are we supposed to do now?" shouted another person.

The crowd started to shout more angry words, demanding explanations and solutions. Though in their hearts they knew Akira couldn't provide those answers. He tried his best to calm the crowd but that proved to be a vain effort.

"Everyone please," said Akira "All your questions will be answered soon so please calm down."

The shouting continued but some members of the crowd quietly excused themselves from the angry mob. They had enough for the day so did Shinji.

"I think we should all get out of here before it turns ugly," said Toshiro.

"That's for sure," agreed Asuka "I'm tired anyway. Let's go Shinji."

Shinji scanned the crowd one more time searching for a familiar face. Whether it was the person who liked like Kaworu or anyone else he knew.

"Hello, Stupid Shinji," called Asuka.

"Oh right coming."

Shinji took one last glance at the crowd but he could not find what he was looking for. He then followed Asuka and the others to a shelter.

Later that night Shinji laid awake in a sleeping bag the volunteers managed to conjure up. The place felt more like a warehouse for sardines considering all the people they packed into one place and it wasn't the most hospitable environment. However, it was better than nothing considering the short notice. It could block out the elements and house a large number of people that's all it needed for now. Still it wasn't the living arrangements that kept Shinji awake.

The meeting with Kaworu still nagged at him and of course the never ending question of where to go next. So many thoughts ran through his head leading him absolutely nowhere. How could he get any sleep?

Getting tired of just lying in a sleeping bag Shinji decided to go for a walk. As he quietly got up he looked at Asuka who was sleeping peacefully next to him. Shinji couldn't help but feel envious, how could she sleep so easily after all that's happened? Sighing, Shinji quietly excused himself from the building.

He strolled outside enjoying the quiet of the night. It was more peaceful than the crowd earlier. He felt relieved to get away from the chaos and despair. Though he still wished he had his tape deck.

The red ocean roared in the distance. Though he couldn't see it, Shinji could easily picture the red waves brushing against the shore. It was like a sea of all the blood that was on his hands. The blood of the ones he cared about. He could get away from the chaos but he can never get away from the past and the empty feeling in his heart. If only there was something different he could have done or something anyone could have done to create a better outcome. Maybe Misato and Kaworu could have-

"Hey, kid what are you doing out here," said a man's voice interrupting Shinji's thoughts.

Shinji turned to see three older men staring at him. The one that just spoke Shinji recognized as the man who had been screaming curses at NERV and his father earlier.

"Couldn't sleep," Shinji said.

"I hear ya kid," said the man "I'm surprised some people are able to sleep with all this nonsense going on."

"Hey give it a rest will ya," said one of his companions "You've been babbling about it all day. Talking shit isn't going to help the situation."

"I know that but what else am I supposed to do? There's really nothing I can do besides talk big. At least I get my frustrations out. Isn't that right kid?"

Shinji shrugged. "I guess." He really wasn't in the mood to talk to these men. The leader talked like he knew everything about the situation at NERV. Though Shinji also shared dislike for his father, this man knew nothing about the sacrifice Misato and the others put into saving the world and how that sacrifice went in vain because of Shinji.

"Look man, now you got this kid depressed," said the man's companion.

"Oh, I'm sorry kid. It's hard you know. After the Second Impact I thought all hope was lost. Even when NERV was created, I still had the feeling that something bad was going to happen again and now it has. But there's still hope, I mean we pulled through once before we can do it again."

The man didn't seem so sure of the last part but he said it on Shinji's behalf so it was best to be nice. Shinji smiled weakly hoping that would satisfy him.

"I hope so," said Shinji.

"That a boy, what's your name anyway? I'm Kyo Guy."  
>"Ikari Shinji."<p>

It was automatic, Shinji couldn't stop himself. He completely forgot who he was talking to, a person who hated Ikari Gendou with a burning passion. He immediately realized his mistake when he saw the shock on all three men's faces. Guy's face was burning red.

"Ikari? You're that jerk's son?" he asked.

Shinji didn't have time to deny it. Guy ran up to him and grabbed him by the collar. His friends stood by in shock. Shinji struggle to get free but Guy was clearly stronger than him.

"Where is that jerk?" demanded Guy "Why isn't he taking any responsibility for what happened?"  
>"Easy Guy," cried one of his companions "He's just a kid."<p>

Guy ignored him and continued to hold Shinji's collar tightly. His grip was so tight that Shinji thought he was going to suffocate.

"Answer me will ya?" shouted Guy.

"I-I don't know where he is," cried Shinji "I don't even know if he's still alive."

"Well than I guess you'll just have to take responsibility then."

Guy raised his fist and pointed it directly at Shinji. At that moment Shinji didn't care if this man hit him. It was something Shinji dissevered; he was after all the source of this man's pain. He didn't even care if this man ended up killing him; he had nothing to live for anyway. Kaworu, Misato, Toji, his mother, and even Rei were all gone he had nothing else. However, just as Guy's fist came crashing down, another paler hand grabbed it.

"A little violent don't you think?" said a familiar voice.

Shinji glanced to his left and immediately his heart gave a thud. It was the boy who looked like Kaworu. He smiled mysteriously just like the person he knew and kept his eyes on Guy.

"I would let him go if I were you," said Kaworu "Hitting him will not solve your problems. If anything it will make you a weaker person."

Guy tensed up for a moment thinking Kaworu's words over. Then he sighed and gently released Shinji. He shook his head and said "I guess you're right. Hitting a kid would give me nightmares. Sorry about that Ikari. I need to think things over."

Then Guy and his two friends walked away without saying anything else, leaving the two boys alone. Shinji glanced at Kaworu unsure of what to say. It certainly looked like him but he doesn't recognize Shinji so it couldn't be him. Shinji couldn't muster the courage to look the other boy in the eye. He simply stared away and said "Thanks for your help."  
>"It's no problem Ikari-kun," said Kaworu.<p>

Shinji jumped, Kaworu said his name did he finally recognize Shinji?

"Ikari's your name right?" said Kaworu "That's what that guy called you."

Shinji's heart sunk. He had no idea why he kept getting his hopes up.

"Um yeah I'm Ikari Shinji."

"Ikari Shinji. I'll have to remember that."

"Huh?"  
>"Well you know my name, I should know yours right. Plus, this is the second time we've bumped into each other today. It's almost like fate."<p>

"Um yeah, I guess."

"Can ask you something?"  
>"What?"<p>

"Why didn't you fight him? He was trying to hurt you; shouldn't you have tried to defend yourself?"

"Well…I."

Shinji paused for a moment thinking over his answer. He wondered if he should tell this person the truth, that he no longer cared what happens to him. He told himself that this person was not the Kaworu he knew; he wouldn't understand Shinji's feelings the way the other Kaworu did. Still he could not come up with a good excuse for his actions.

"Well, I really didn't care what he would do to me," said Shinji "It's not like anyone is waiting for me now."

"Surely that's not true," replied Kaworu "There must be someone who cares for you. Otherwise you wouldn't be standing here all."  
>"That's just it though. There were some people I cared about and they cared about me. I didn't realize it until they were gone. And now they're all dead because of me. I couldn't help them because I'm…."<p>

"Because you're useless. Is that what you were going to say? I'm not exactly sure what happened nor do I know why those people died. However, I think you should care a little bit more about your life because their gone."

Shinji looked at Kaworu confused.

"They died for you didn't they? It would be terrible if you just let yourself get hurt or killed. It would be a shame on them, dying for someone who couldn't care less about themselves. A waste of an honorable sacrifice."  
>Shinji recalled Asuka saying something similar earlier and how that brought him to his senses. Now this boy was saying the same thing, surely they both can't be lying. Still those words alone couldn't completely heal the wound in Shinji's heart but at the very least they helped ease the pain.<p>

"Um thank you. That helps."  
>The two boys paused listening to the quiet of the night. For some reason this situation seemed a little awkward to Shinji. Here he was, standing with a person who looked and sounded like the Kaworu he loved, yet this person did not remember him at all. He tried telling himself that this person was not the Kaworu he knew but somehow the feeling he had of being around this Kaworu was the same as when he was with the other Kaworu. Shinji could still feel his pounding heart against his chest.<p>

Kaworu simply stood by and observed Shinji. Shinji wondered what he was thinking as Kaworu watched him with those odd crimson eyes. Then Kaworu walked a little closer to Shinji, a little too close for comfort.

"Um what are you-," Shinji asked but his sentence was short lived as Kaworu pressed his mouth against Shinji's.

Shinji was about to stumble backwards in shock but Kaworu's arm grabbed his waist before he could break the kiss. Kaworu pulled him closer so their chest touched. Shinji's heart raced wildly he was certain Kaworu could hear it. He could feel his face burn a bright red. Kaworu on the other hand remained cool and collected as he continued to kiss Shinji. When Shinji finally relaxed himself in Kaworu's arms, the kiss ended. Kaworu pulled away before it could get too intense and finally released Shinji.

"Wh-What was that for?" asked a blushing Shinji.

Kaworu shrugged "I don't know it seemed like a good idea."

"Seemed like a good idea? You just kissed a guy, a total stranger even."

"A guy yes, a total stranger not entirely. We met earlier today remember?"  
>"Yes I remember."<p>

"Was it that bad?"

"No, I mean-well I don't know."

Kaworu laughed. "I like you Shinji you're so interesting."

Shinji blushed not sure what to say. He liked this Kaworu but he also liked the previous one, he could even say he loved that Kaworu. Would it be a betrayal to the previous Kaworu to like someone who acted just like him?  
>Kaworu stared at the night sky and sighed. He seemed as though he had something on his mind as if there was something he had to do.<p>

"It appears that our time together is about to end," he said "I have to go back now, I'm afraid."  
>"I see, "Shinji said sourly.<p>

There was a quiet pause between the two. Finally, Kaworu started to excuse himself but Shinji stopped him.

"Um, I'll see you again right?" he asked.

Kaworu paused and looked at Shinji.

"It's just I already lost so many friends," said Shinji "I don't want to lose another one."  
>"You consider me your friend?"<p>

"Well….yes."

Kaworu smiled and said "Then of course, we shall meet again."

Shinji smiled and used all of his power to hold back his tears of joy. He felt so happy; he didn't know why he felt this way. After day of losing everything, he finally gained something.

"Well I'll be going now," said Kaworu "Good bye Ikari Shinji."

"Bye Kaworu."  
>Kaworu started to walk away but he stopped in his tracks and faced Shinji once more.<p>

"You know, I a strange feeling when I bumped into you," he said "I think I understand it a little bit more now."

Shinji looked at him in confusion.

"I think, I was born to meet you."

Shinji's heart immediately stopped. Those words he heard them before. Shinji was about to call after Kaworu but he was already gone. It was then as Shinji stood alone in the night he realized that this Kaworu and the one he knew were the same.


	6. Chapter 5 Lack of Understanding

Arthur's note: Sorry for the delay guys I got hung up with school but don't worry I do intend upon finishing this story. Thanks so much everyone for the support and patience. I'll update again soon.

* * *

><p>The next day was full of chaos as everyone engaged in shouting matches trying to figure out what to do. Confused by yesterday's events, Shinji distanced himself from all the fighting and hung around outside of the warehouse.<p>

He thought about Kaworu and how wonderful it was for him to be alive. Yet at the same time there were so many questions and problems that came with his sudden return. First all how was Kaworu alive in the first place? Out of all the questions that one was probably the easiest one to find an answer for, strangely enough. Shinji himself has seen people being brought back to life; Rei was a clear example of those people. Plus, Kaworu was an angel and Shinji knew how hard angels were to kill more than anyone. Still there was the question on why he was brought back and why he doesn't he remember Shinji.

The ultimate fear Shinji had was the purpose of Kaworu's reappearance. The whole reason why Shinji killed Kaworu in the first place was because Misato ordered him too and the reason she ordered him too was because he was Angel that threatened to kill them all. Though Shinji had a difficult time believing that Kaworu was a threat to humanity, the fact remained that he was an Angel. If he was threat to humanity, there was nothing Shinji could do since the Eva's were gone.

That's when another thought crossed Shinji's mind, what if the other Angels could come back too? Kaworu may have somewhat cared about humanity but the other ones certainly didn't. With no Eva to fight them was humanity doomed? Shinji didn't want to believe that what they all have been fighting for this whole time was a wasted effort. Then again since there were no Evas, the Angels could have destroyed what little is left of humanity.

So many things were running through Shinji's head and he had no way of answering any of them. Shinji sighed. Even with all of these confusing thoughts, how was Shinji going to face Kaworu now? He was the one that killed Kaworu, would the Angel resent Shinji if he remembered that? Shinji wasn't sure if what's left of his heart could take such a rejection.

"Why does everything have to be so complicated?" said Shinji.

"Why does what have to be so complicated?" asked Asuka.

Shinji jumped, Asuka was standing right behind him. When did she get there?

"It's nothing Asuka," said Shinji trying to disarm her.  
>"Well it has to be something if you're standing here sulking about it," Asuka replied "Spit it out what is it?"<br>"You really don't want to know."  
>"Yes I do! It's depressing enough as it is and you're just making it worse. Tell me so I can help."<p>

"I really don't know if even you could help me out on this one Asuka."

"What are you trying to say? Are you telling me that I'm no good?"

Shinji sighed. He knew she would not leave him alone until she got what she wanted out of him. However, he probably needed her advice more than ever. Yet he wasn't sure that she would completely understand, even he wasn't sure he understood the whole situation.

"Well, you see Asuka it's hard to explain," said Shinji.

He believed that if said it all out loud he could figure something out. Perhaps Asuka even had the answers to all of his problems.

"I found a really good friend of mine the other day," he said "I was so happy to see him, I thought he died."

"That doesn't sound like a problem idiot."

"Well when I first came up to him, he didn't recognize me so I thought I mistook him for someone else. But then we found each other again last night and we talked some more. Then I realized… that he was the same person after all."

"Huh? What are you talking about?"  
>"I think he lost his memory somehow so he forgot about me."<p>

"Oh, so that's why you're all depressed because he forgot about you. In that case you just have to remind him who you are."

"But that's also part of the problem. I did something horrible to him and if he remembers it then….he might resent me."

Asuka press her hand to her face in frustration. Then she shook her head.  
>"Ugg stupid Shinji, that's all the more reason to talk to him and remind him of who you are and what you mean to him."<p>

"What?"  
>"Listen stupid. If this friend of yours finds out about this horrible thing from someone else, than he is going to resent you but if you talk him first and apologize, he'll know how much you value his friendship. He's important to you right?"<p>

"Asuka, I don't think you really understand it's not as simple as you think."

"He's important to you right?" Asuka repeated.

"…Yes, yes he is."

"Well than what am I missing? I think you're just making things complicated. Who is this friend of yours anyway? Someone I know?"

Shinji sighed. He knew Asuka would change her answer when she finds out who his friend was. She might even freak out and tell him to stay away from Kaworu. He is an angel, the enemy they both been fighting this whole time. Still, it wouldn't be good to lie to Asuka. At least if she knew she'd understand a little more.

"Nagisa Kaworu," he finally said.  
>Asuka paused and rubbed her chin as she tried to think. She repeated Kaworu's name a couple times as she searched for his identity in her memory.<p>

"Hm, I don't think I know him," she finally said.

"What?"  
>Shinji was astounded. How could she forget someone like Kaworu? Especially after all the commotion he caused at NERV. He even used her Eva. Wait…<p>

"Oh well, I'll get to know him soon when you introduce me to him. Now come on."

Then Asuka seized Shinji's arm and started to pull him away. Shinji struggled to get out of her grasp but the girl's military training made her much more stronger than him so his efforts were in vain. He didn't understand, why did she want to meet Kaworu? Wasn't she a little surprised that a dead person suddenly came back to life?

"Stop struggling Shinji," Asuka said as she continued to pull him along "We're going to see this Nagisa and that's final."

It was then Shinji remembered something important. Asuka was in a coma when Kaworu arrived at NERV. She wouldn't know anything about him being an angel, his relationship with Shinji, or that he died. Asuka probably assumed that Kaworu was a regular person Shinji met while she was in that coma and that Shinji thought he was dead because the events of the Third Impact. Asuka didn't know anything about Kaworu's real identity. How could Shinji forget such an important detail?

"Asuka wait, Kaworu is…"

"I don't want to hear a word from you until we find him."

Then that was that. Asuka tugged Shinji around the warehouses against his will. Several times he tried to tell her the full story but on every occasion, Asuka mistook his words for protest and ignored him. However, after they wandered through the endless sea storehouses and crowds of people, Asuka discovered that she had no idea where they were going. She didn't even know what Kaworu looked like. At last she turned to Shinji to get some answers.

"Ok so where can we find this guy?" she asked.  
>"I don't know but there's something you should-"<p>

"YOU DON'T KNOW! I thought he was your important friend!"

"He is but Asuka he's also…"

Then something caught Shinji's attention while he was in mid-sentence. His eyes stared longingly at something in the distance. Confused, Asuka turned to see what he was looking for. A boy around their age with silver hair was walking down the street, fixed on a destination.

Asuka looked from the boy to Shinji. She had never seen that expression on his face before; it was as if he was staring at angel, the beautiful beings from the stories, not the ones they fought. That look made it clear to her that the silver haired boy was Kaworu. It also became apparent to Asuka that Kaworu might be more than just a friend to Shinji. For some reason this thought made her a little jealous. She never recalled him looking at her that way.

Hiding such a dark thought, she smiled with accomplishment.  
>"So that's the guy?" she asked.<p>

Shinji jumped as if he just came out of a trance.

"Well yeah that's him…" said Shinji "But Asuka."  
>"Alright let's go get him then."<p>

Once again she grabbed Shinji's arm and pulled him towards Kaworu. Asuka called Kaworu's name several times but he simply continued walking. He didn't seem to notice them. Asuka pouted her lips and made curses about how rude he was. Shinji simply shook his head and sighed, there was no getting through to her. Instead he tried to focus on Kaworu and what he was trying to do.

As they chased after Kaworu, Shinji noticed that he seemed fixed on his destination. He didn't take in any of his surroundings or care about anyone around him at all. Not that a storehouse area was a fascinating sight but it seemed so unlike Kaworu to not take in the world around him. He always seemed intrigued by things that were beyond his scope of knowledge. Even seemingly ordinary things seemed to draw Kaworu's attention. Shinji wondered what he was so fixed on at this moment.

Wherever it was Kaworu was going, he was in a hurry. Asuka and Shinji had a hard time keeping up with him. They were so far behind him that Shinji felt as if they were stalking Kaworu. Adding to this they were getting far away from the rest of the survivors.

This part of the storage area seemed in bad shape. There were several signs of previous battles with the Angels and many buildings were either completely destroyed or missing roofs. The area seemed too hazardous for a few teenagers to walk through. It was a strange place for Kaworu to be going to but then again, Kaworu was a very strange person.

Finally, Kaworu came across a building that was strangely intact. It wasn't like the wreaked buildings that surrounded it, it seemed perfectly fine. It was even bigger than some of the other buildings too. There was also something about this building that seemed off. It was different from the buildings used as shelters but Shinji couldn't place what that was.

Kaworu walked inside the mysterious building and disappeared behind its walls. Asuka smiled at Shinji and nudged him.  
>"All right," she said "Now's your chance. He's probably in there alone so this is the perfect time to talk to him."<p>

"Asuka you don't understand," Shinji said finally breaking free of Asuka's iron grip.

"You keep telling me this but you're not explaining yourself. What don't I understand? What did you do to this kid that makes you afraid to talk to him."  
>"I killed him."<br>Asuka paused trying to process the words he just said. Then she laughed.

"My Japanese must be getting bad," she laughed "I thought you said that you killed him."

"It's not a joke Asuka, I really killed him."

Asuka paused again not laughing this time. A mixture of shock and horror distorted her face.

"What? I thought he was your special friend why would you kill him? And how? Your scrawnier and wimpier than him, how did you work up the nerve?"  
>Shinji looked at the ground and paused.<p>

"I didn't want to but…he was an Angel."  
>"An Angel?" Asuka quickly looked back the building Kaworu was in. Then she turned her attention back to Shinji.<p>

"He doesn't look like an Angel what's going on?" she said her face still white "How come this is the first I've heard a human shaped Angel?"

"Well he came to take over piloting after you were in a coma and…"

Then Shinji told her the whole story about how Kaworu came to NERV as a replacement pilot for Unit-2. Then he told her about their brief moments of friendship and the shock he felt when Misato told him that Kaworu was Angel. The hardest part was telling her about the decision both Misato and Kaworu pressured him to make.

When Shinji finished his story he paused to let Asuka process what he said. She folded her arms across and stared at Shinji. Her eye was twitching in anger. Though Shinji didn't know what exactly she was mad about, he would find out soon enough.  
>"He…piloted MY Unit-2," she said bitterly "How dare they let someone else touch my Unit-2? What nerve? When I get my hands on him I'll…"<br>"That's your take away on this story?"

"That's my Eva, only I can pilot it. He had no right to touch it."

"You're not listening are you?"

"No I'm listening. It's just…..hard to take in. To think the monster's we've been fighting this whole time came become human it's too much. But... I still think you should go see him."

"What?"  
>This was the complete opposite of what Shinji thought she was going to say. He expect that she's want to fall back for now and figure out a way to destroy Kaworu before he becomes an Angel again.<p>

"I don't exactly understand what happened but he's important to you right. And if we've learned anything from our time as pilots it's that we shouldn't give up on the things that are important to us."

"Asuka."

"He may or may not be an Angel now but we're not going to find out by just standing here. So go to him Shinji. I'll come hold your hand since I know how much of a baby you are."

Shinji took in her words and then smiled.

"Thanks Asuka, let's go then."

The two quietly entered the warehouse in search of Kaworu. The first thing Shinji noticed about this place was the eerie silence that loomed in the air. For the most part the warehouse was empty except for a large machine that stood in the middle of it. Shinji couldn't tell what it was since a large brown cloth was covering it. He figured that it was some kind of equipment the workers used here.

A part from the mystery machine something else stood out to Shinji, Kaworu was nowhere to be found. Both Asuka and Shinji searched the area but there was no sign of him. Asuka looked at Shinji in confusion.

"What is going on?" she whispered "I thought I saw him come in here."  
>"I did to," Shinji whispered back "Why are we whispering?"<br>"I don't know it seemed like a good idea and …"

Asuka trailed off as she stared at the machinery. Her eyes seemed distance as she examined it as if she was scared of whatever was underneath the brown cloth. She turned back to Shinji and continued to whisper.  
>"Hey, I'm not sure why but this place creeps me out let's get out of here and find him some other day."<p>

"Huh, but you were so insistent before why should we stop now when we're so close?"

Asuka opened her mouth to answer but she was interrupted by a voice above them.

"Where have you been Tabris?"

Shinji and Asuka looked up towards the source of the noise. Directly above them was a catwalk, it seemed to be the same height as the machine. It was hard to make out through the metal above but Shinji could tell that there were two sets of feet standing on the catwalk. He noticed that they kept a pretty good distance from each other as if the people talking didn't care for one another. The voice earlier sounded like it came from an older man.

"Preparations were almost complete," he said "And you were nowhere to be found."

"My apologies, I got bored and decided to wander around," spoke Kaworu's voice.

Shinji's heart stopped upon hearing Kaworu's voice. Who was he talking too? He didn't like the sound of the other person's voice it had the same tone as his father. Anyone who reminded Shinji of Ikari Gendou was clearly bad news.

"Why would you go and do that? It's a useless effort to gaze upon this disgusting world especially since we are about to return it to the way it was meant to be."

Shinji looked at Asuka not sure what to do. She gestured him to keep quiet and to keep listening to the conversation.

"I suppose your right it would be a useless effort," said Kaworu "I did meet someone interesting but I suppose you don't really care about that."

"As you know SEELE created a Dummy plug with your data to use a fake pilot for our Eva," the man said not caring about Kaworu's remarks.

"Yes, I'm aware of that. So I don't need to pilot it?"

SEELE, Shinji remembered that name. Misato told him they were the ones responsible for the Second Impact. They were also the ones who tried to kill him and sent those monstrous Evas on Asuka. It was SEELE and Ikari Gendou who orchestrated the Third Impact. They used everyone to unleash such horrible things, all for a distorted purpose that Shinji did not understand.

Why would Kaworu work with them again? SEELE was Kaworu's motivation for wanting to die by Shinji's hand. He said SEELE would kill him for not fulfilling his purpose so he wanted Shinji to kill him instead. Why would he place himself back into their hands?

"No there is no need for a pilot," replied the man from SEELE "I actually think that was the problem last time. The pilot didn't follow through like we expected. Humans are too unexpected to rely on; a dummy plug should be able to help us finish the job."

"Then we'll have something to act as Lilith and I suppose I shall act as Adam then."

"Precisely, the dummy plugs and an Angel do not have the same amount of power but the combination should be able to start it. We only need to finish what was started."

It took Shinji a moment to process what they were talking about but when he realized it, his eyes widened in horror. He looked at the giant machinery before them, it was covered with a brown cloth and it was not as carefully stored as the others but it was around the same size.

Could it possibly be an Eva hiding underneath that cloth? Shinji glanced at Asuka, her eyes filled with confusion and anger. They couldn't believe it, just when they thought the earth had enough, SEELE planned to hurt it once more.

"Soon the world will return to way God intended it to be," said the SEELE member "And the fourth and final impact will eliminated the rest of humanity. SEELE's work will finally be finished and your destiny Tabris shall be fulfilled."


	7. Chapter 6- The Choice Was Always Yours

Shinji was horrified by what he just heard. Even after everything that's happened, there was another disaster? Wasn't the world ruined enough, there was no way the earth could survive another impact. Humanity would be completely erased.

He felt Asuka tremble next to him; she seemed more terrified than him. She was absolutely paralyzed, her eyes wide with terror. Shinji couldn't tell if she was breathing or not.

"It's not perfect but this last-minute Eva will be ready by tomorrow," spoke the SEELE member "If you mess this up than we would fail in our mission and thus fail both God and humanity. You understand how important that is correct?"

"You act as though I'm incapable of this," replied Kaworu "Have you forgotten that I'm Angel. An Angel of your design none the less, I was created with that specific purpose after all."

Shinji decided that it was time to leave. He was always absented minded when it came to dangerous situations but Asuka was distracted, it fell upon him to get them out of here. He tugged on Asuka's arm prompting her to follow him to the door. She glanced at him and then back at the conversation going on above them, her eyes still wide.

"Asuka," he whispered "We should go."

For a moment Asuka's eyes stayed where they were, she seemed distant as if she were lost in some dark memory. Shinji thought he would have to argue with her but then she closed her eyes and nodded. As quietly as they could the two of them snuck towards the door. The SEELE member talked over some details with Kaworu over his horrid task, Shinji only caught that it was going to start in this warehouse tomorrow morning. Not that there was anything he could do to prevent it from happening. The two of them had just reached the door, Asuka reached to turn the door handle.

"Hey!" called the SEELE member "How did you two get in here?"

Shinji froze; it was all he could do.

"Wait aren't you two…."

Asuka pushed the door open and pulled the frozen Shinji along before the man could say anything more. She then pulled them into a run; they didn't know if there was security here but they couldn't risk getting caught by it. They moved so fast, Shinji didn't even have enough time to get one last glance at Kaworu. He wondered what Kaworu's thoughts were as he watched them leave. What was he thinking knowing that he would attempt to destroy them all once again?

* * *

><p>Kaworu turned to the SEELE member, a bit surprised that Shinji was here but he refused to show that on his face. He didn't want his creator to think that he was hesitant.<p>

"Should we send someone after them?" he asked "They probably heard our plans."

"No, the Second and Third children are simply that, children," replied SEELE "Their useless without the EVAs, the third impact was proof of that. We we're foolish to think a child could be the key to Instrumentality."

"They could tell someone."  
>"I doubt anyone would believe them even if they did, it's too late to do anything. You've seen what's left of the human race; they've lost all hope and have gotten weak. That is why we must strike now before that hope for survival returns to the hearts of the people. Instrumentally will be impossible then. Besides we have don't have many resources left and we can't waste them looking for children."<p>

"I see, the mission comes first then."

"Precisely."

The man started to walk away without a word, he didn't even give Kaworu. The Angel stared at the closed-door. He guessed the conversation was over. Strangely enough he found his emotions at a cross-road. He was happy and hurt to see Shinji; he couldn't explain such contradicting feelings. At the same time he felt excited to know he was capable of feeling such powerful emotions at all.

In a way he felt as though he betrayed Shinji just now. However, this is what he was born to do. He could neither complain nor deny his calling, he can only accept it. It was something he didn't have a problem doing. Destroying human kind was something he was indifferent about, he didn't hate them but he found no reason to love them either. That was until he watched Shinji walk out the door.

Kaworu glanced at the partially completed Eva behind him then at the door where Shinji just left with the red-headed girl. He realized that if he did this then he would end the lives of many, including Shinji's.

Destroying humanity meant destroying Shinji as well. That was a thought that sadden Kaworu almost to the point where he doubted his actions. What good would doubt do him now?

His existence in this human form was limited; if he did this he would be destroyed along with humanity. If he did not carry out this task SEELE would surely destroy him and start over. Either way his fate was to disintegrate, he might as well full fill his destiny make his actions somewhat meaningful. It was all he could do after all…..and yet.

"How could I destroy them when I've come to love them?" he asked no one in particular "I suppose I'll have to find some way throw away this heart I've somehow managed to obtain."

The dark thought made him frown. He couldn't do that; if he did then his life would have been meaningless.

* * *

><p>A little later Asuka and Shinji managed to run far away from SEELE's warehouse. They only stopped running when they realized that no one was following them. As soon as she caught her breath, Asuka didn't waste any time to state her opinion.<p>

"Did you hear that? We have to do something about this Shinji. That-that Angel is going to cause a fourth impact. A Fourth Impact! We can't survive something like that, there's no way. Why didn't you tell me your boyfriend was an Angel?"

"First of all I did try to tell you," Shinji replied bitterly.

He suddenly didn't feel like talking about Kaworu. He felt strangely betrayed and yet he must have known this was going to happen, Kaworu was an Angel after all. It's funny to feel this way when just a few hours ago he worried that Kaworu hated him. Now his feelings didn't matter, not that they ever did, but the world was going to end his second chance was over too soon. In a way though it made perfect sense, he killed Kaworu and now Kaworu was going to kill him. All will be alright with the world now.

"Second, he's not my boyfriend; I don't know what he is so don't make things up. And….there's nothing we can do Asuka."

Asuka's eyes widen for a moment. Then she put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

"What exactly do you mean by that? We're Eva pilots remember? It's our job to defeat Angels and save the world."

"Not anymore, we don't have the Eva's anymore; we don't even have a weapon. We can't fight it's a useless effort."

"Stupid Shinji, we'll just find some weapons and get other people to help us out. The refugee camp is just around the corner. We'll just tell someone what happened, gather some weapons, and storm to the warehouse to kick your Angel boyfriend's ass. So simple-"

"I'm not doing it Asuka."

She paused for a moment, taken aback by Shinji's sudden arrogance.

"What do you mean you won't do it? You do realize that everyone is going to die if they use that Eva thing right? Earth to Shinji, that's bad."  
>"I'm not stupid."<p>

"You're sure acting that way. What's your problem?"

"…All my life I've done as people asked even if I complained or tried to run away from it. I still managed to go back and do it. The last time I got in the Eva it was because Misato told me to save you and look how that turned out. We're only in this mess because I followed orders and Misato…... I'm done, I shouldn't have done anything. I thought I finally had a purpose, I thought things were getting better for me but I'm right back to where I started. Actually, it's worse. Blood is on my hands, there's no changing that."

"What are you saying?"

He paused, he's always had these thoughts but he never spoke them out loud, he never dare to.

"I'm useless Asuka. I've known that all along and still I've let myself believe for one second that I could do something worthwhile. But everything I've done was all for nothing and others paid with their lives. I should have just died; I wasn't worth Misato's sacrifice or Kaworu's, or Toji's, or my mother's. So I'm done, if the world is going to end than I guess that's it. They were all stupid to put their hopes on me."

SLAP!

Once again Shinji felt the sting of Asuka's hand on his cheek but this time it hurt more than the last. This time he could feel the quiver of her hand and the painful look in her eyes as she made contact with him. He realized that he truly hurt her with his words but he didn't know how.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to say that!" she angrily "They all gave their lives for you so you can't let them down. Your life has to be worth something after everything we've been through…it has to…it has to."

Tears started forming in Asuka's eyes. Her hands shook with anger and sadness. It wasn't long before she started sobbing, muttering the same words "it has to, it has to." Shinji realized that this whole time Asuka was not just talking about his life. He wondered why it took him this long to realize that Asuka felt the same way as he did.

"My whole life I-I wanted to make mama see me so I dedicated myself to piloting Unit-02. I was good at it too, there was no else who pilot Unit-02 like I could but then I was defeated…over and over again. My life purpose, taken away from me and I became the doll mama wanted me to be."

Asuka sniffled and dried her tears. She was still unable to look at Shinji.

"But in that time before the Third Impact, I realized that's not how mama really thought of me and I gained a new meaning to my life. Then I was defeated once again. I just keep getting beaten…."

As he listened Shinji came to understand two things. One, this whole time Asuka was talking about herself and projected her insecurities on him. Two….

"You say everyone was stupid for giving their lives for you. Well, no one sacrificed themselves for me, I'm on my own. If you're useless than what does that make me? So don't say that you're useless otherwise…I'm useless too."

From the moment Shinji became an Eva pilot, he hadn't changed at all. Nothing in either his or Asuka's lives had moved. He was still the same weak person he was from the beginning. Only Asuka seemed to comprehend this and tried to move forward but she didn't know where forward was. Shinji didn't even know there was a forward but he supposed it didn't matter now. The world would end soon and there was nothing he could do about it.

"EEEEEEKKK!"

The sudden sound shook them both awake. It was a woman's scream coming from the refugee warehouses. The voice sounded a lot like Sakura's.

A sick fear came over Shinji. Had the Fourth impact already started? Was it over now before he could even say goodbye to those he had left? There was a long pause but the world remained still, the only sound was the distant shouting.

Shinji relaxed. It hadn't started yet but that doesn't mean trouble wasn't brewing.

Asuka paused and looked where Sakura's voice came from. She wiped a few stray tears away and took hold of Shinji's arm.

"Come on let's check it out," she said weakly.

Shinji nodded and they both started running towards the source of the screaming. What else was there to do? It was over, all Shinji could do was go with the flow.

A few minutes later, Shinji and Asuka return to the warehouse finding a large crowd of people surrounding something they were too far away to see. Each of them was talking at the same time so they couldn't make out what they saying but Shinji knew they were angry.

Shinji stepped forward to trying to get a closer look but Asuka put out her arm to stop him. This gesture confused him but he didn't question her. So they remained where they were in the corner, unseen by the crowd of angry people.

"Just tell us where they are already!" shouted a man.

"We already told you we don't know what you're talking about so lay off," said a voice that sounded like Koji.

The crowd parted just enough for Shinji to see what they were surrounding. To his horror, the crowd was circling Sakura, Koji, and Toshiro, the three adults who have helped him and Asuka all this time. He noticed Toshiro was on the ground, his sister at his side holding him. It looked like his nose was bleeding as if he had just been punched. Koji stood between them and the crowd, an angry looked plastered on his face.

"We know you've hung around them so cut the crap already," said the man from earlier.

"Just leave us alone," said Sakura desperately "We don't know. We don't even know who you're talking about."

"Shut up. You've been hanging around those kids this whole time. So tell us where they are. That damn Ikari kid and the Eva pilot."

Shinji's stomach felt sick, it was just like last night, when that man, Guy and his friends became angry with Shinji because they found out who his father was. These people were angry with how the world turned out and blamed Shinji and Asuka for the Third impact. Now they directed that anger on innocent people.

"Why are you defending them?" shouted a woman in the crowd.

"NERV and the Eva's were supposed to prevent this kind of thing from happening," said another man "Now look what happened, this is all their fault."

"B-but their only children," pleaded Sakura "You can't put the responsibility on them. They don't even know what you're talking about. "

Sakura's logic statement went unheard. The mob merely responded in angry cries.

"It's no use Sakura," replied Toshiro "The desperate and scared don't listen to logic. They only want someone to take the blame for their misery."

The mob seemed to move closer towards the three adults. Their eyes fueled with malice and anger. The intentions of the mob were clear, they would get information they wanted out of the three and they wouldn't be afraid to resort to violence if they had to.

"Shinji we have to do something," whispered Asuka.

"Like what?" he replied "We're outnumbered and we don't stand a chance against a mob."

"So? We can't just leave our friends like this after all they've done for us. They're only in this situation because of us."  
>"…I can't Asuka."<p>

Fury and pain flashed in Asuka's eyes as she looked at him. Then she turned her attention back to the mass.

"Stupid Shinji," she said as she pushed her way to her through the horde of people.

For a few moments she fought her way through until she managed to stand in between the crowd and her friends. She glared at the angry crowd, showing no fear on her face; Shinji wondered how she could be so vulnerable one second and then so strong the next. Perhaps this whole thing was just an act and she was really scared but if that was the case, why did she go out there?

"Hey, why don't you stop blaming other people and start coming up with your own solutions you jerks," she said "Your adults aren't you? So why are you pinning all the responsibility on us kids. You should be ashamed of yourselves."

"Out of the way girl, you don't know what you're talking about," said the leader of the mob "This is adult business."

"Asuka what are you doing?" cried Sakura.

Asuka ignored her and continued to speak.

"Oh, I think I know what I'm talking about all right, I the one you're looking for after all. Asuka Langley Soryu, Second child and former pilot of Eva Unit-2."

A sudden silence came over the crowd; the only sound was Sakura's gasp of surprise. Koji and Toshiro looked stunned but surely they must have known she was an Eva pilot. She was wearing a plug suit when they met.

The leader of the mob's fist trembled in anger; it became clear that he was going to poor all of that on Asuka. However, she refused to move. The man raised his fist in trying to scare her, she still didn't move. Suddenly, he slammed his fist into her face knocking her towards the ground.

Koji raced to catch her before she could slam into the hard ground. She gave out a small cry of pain and that was the last thing Shinji heard. There were some very heated words of protest coming from Koji and equally heated ones from the crowd but they were white noise to Shinji. He was lost in one particular memory, his last memories of Misato.

He remembered when she took a bullet for him, the same way Asuka took that punch for the others. He remembered the kiss she gave him when he freaked out and doubted himself. He remembered how he saw the blood on his hands after she promised to pick up where they started when he saves Asuka. He knew that he was never going to see her again. The one time he took action he let everyone down but before that, he just stood by and let things happened.

It was all his fault but not because he took action and piloted the Eva, it was because he decided to do nothing. If he hadn't just sat there, if he had protested with Misato and refused to pilot Unit-01, if he had made a choice for himself, would she still be alive? She always protected him, always looked out for him even till the end. She wanted him to be happy so she fought for a world where they both could be happy. How could he have forgotten that? Her heart was lonely too and she was so afraid of getting hurt and yet she fought for him, she fought.

Shinji knew what he had to do now, what he should have done all along.

"Enough!" he shouted.

The whole crowd paused. Heads turned, trying to pin point the noise. He pushed his way through the crowd and stood in front of Asuka.

"Hitting a girl isn't going to solve the mess my father's selfish wish made," he said "Neither is sitting around a mopping in your own sorrow…but now's not the time for finger-pointing. But if it will make you feel better and help you listen to me then go ahead and hit me. I'm Ikari Shinji, and I'm the reason this all happened."

This time the man didn't hesitate the way he did with Asuka. He raised his fist and ready to strike, Shinji closed his eyes ready to take the pain. How strange that history keeps repeating itself like this, when they first met Toji punched him because his sister's injury, Guy nearly punched him last night for his father's crimes, and now here he was again with no one to back him out.

Suddenly, another hand reached out and grabbed the man's fist before he could land a hit. Shinji opened his eyes his heart leaping. Could it be?

"Kaworu?" he muttered.

"What good do you think hitting a kid would do?" said a familiar voice but it didn't belong to Kaworu.

To Shinji's surprise his savior was none other than Guy, the man who tried punching Shinji last night. Guy easily held the other man's fist and then pushed him away. He looked and Shinji and smiled. Grateful but a bit disappointed that he wasn't Kaworu, Shinji smiled back.

"Funny how things work out," said Guy "I was trying to pull the same crap last night, now I'm defending the kid. "

Guy glared at the crowd. A few of his friends pulled out of the crowd and surrounded Shinji and his friends. They crossed their arms, trying to look intimidating.

"I'm going to tell you bone heads what some kid last night told me so listen up. I'm not going to repeat myself," he shouted.

Suddenly, the crowd was in a listening mood, probably due to the fact that they were now surrounded by men who looked as though they belonged in a motorcycle gang instead of ganging up a few helpless people. The tides definitely turned.

"Hitting a kid and blaming them for all of this isn't going to change anything," Guy continued "It just makes you seem like a jack ass. So leave these kids alone. You got that!"

Shinji noticed a few heads nod in response. A few of them were only agreeing out of fear but at least the job was getting done.

"Anyway I was doing some thinking and I realized that we've all just been sitting on our asses waiting for the end to come this whole time even after the Second impact all we did was look for someone else to give us the answers. Maybe that's why this keeps happening; this is our world we need to fight for it more. Let's stop letting kids fight our battles."

"You know, he might be on to something," said one man in the crowd.

"Maybe we let our hopelessness get the better of us."

Suddenly, the angry mob changed into a mass of more hopeful people. Perhaps this was the start of a new earth. Once again the world will restart, though what the future had in store for the human race was still unclear. Some individuals might even loose their was but that was the way of the world. Humanity always seems to get by with that concept in mind. Guy smiled in approval, it was as this was the moment he was waiting all his life, the moment he would find his happiness, his place in the world. Shinji knew that it was time he claimed his.

"All right. Now that's more I like it," he said "Now let's try this thing again. Huh?"

"About that," spoke Asuka "There's a bit of a crisis we need to deal with."

"Huh, a crisis? What kind of crisis?"  
>Asuka opened her mouth to answer but Shinji interrupted her before she could say anything.<p>

"A Fourth impact," he said.


	8. Chapter 7 I Never Had a Choice

Kaworu found himself staring at the makeshift Eva that would soon help him bring about the world's end. It was truly an embarrassment to the ones that came before it. He had heard the Eva's that came before it were like Gods on earth, the armor itself was only to keep such power restrained and that barely did its job. They also harbored a strong human spirit. For example Eva unit-1, contained the will of a woman whose one wish was a better future for her son. The power and will of the Eva's reflected humanity's potential even if SEELE planned to use them to destroy the human race all along.

The one that Kaworu was staring at now was pitiful and almost disgusting. He knew underneath the giant brown cloth was a machine whose rusting armor can barely keep itself together. The scraps and pieces of different Eva parts was glued together in one giant monstrosity. It wasn't holding back anything at all; it was just struggling to survive. However, the machine itself was merely a vessel what counted was the Dummy plug inside. His consciousness will merge with the machine and allow him to do the same with the rest of humanity, in theory it will have the same result as the Third Impact. Between creating him and the Dummy plug, SEELE must have spent a fortune on. He wondered how long his human body slept in that tube while the world around him went by.

He suddenly pictured Shinji's life and how he went about day-to-day while Kaworu slept in deepest corners of SEELE. He pictured him going to school but not finding any connection with the students there. He pictured him having many friends and people who loved him but he could not see it until it was all gone. Kaworu could almost see some of their faces but he wasn't sure where the memory came from.

He gazed at the covered Eva for answers but it remained silent like a lifeless doll. That was him before, a doll just following his master's orders but now he had become intrigued with this world and most of all Ikari Shinji. He wondered if he still had the will to obliterate this world even if it was for the better.

Kaworu hated this new Eva.

"Now I guess I shouldn't blame the Eva for my hesitation…." He said to no one.

RUMBLE. RUMBLE.

The faint sound echoed through the walls. Kaworu looked around but no one was here besides him. The rumbling grew louder with every passing second. Whatever was making the noise was getting closer. Then the rumbling turned into muffled shouting, he could hear many voices outside of the steel walls. Kaworu immediately realized what it was.

"So they intend to fight even if there's no hope left. How very human."

Outside of the warehouse an angry mob bans together once again to fight their fate. The crowd marches towards SEELE's last stronghold, Asuka and Guy were leading the way, Shinji and his friends followed close behind. As they approach the building, a few security guards rush up to block the crowd's path. Shinji noticed one man immediately calling for back up. He supposed they were taking extra precautions since he and Asuka snuck in.

"What's the meaning of this?" said one of the security guards.

"Don't play dumb with us we know what you're hiding in there," said Guy "And we're not going to sit down and die like we did before."

"I have no idea what you're talking about but this area is restricted. All of you go back to the refugee areas."

"Hell no!" someone shouted. A huge uproar followed after that. More security guards came upon the scene just as the crowd got closer to them. Shinji knew a fight was going to break out soon. They outnumbered all the guards but still he wondered if they would get to Kaworu in time.

As Guy and the others continued to argue with the stubborn guards, Shinji felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and found Sakura smiling at him. Then she grabbed Asuka's hand and pulled her in as if she was conducting a secret meeting.

"You both have been inside before right?" she asked.

Shinji and Asuka nodded.

"Then you two go on ahead. We can't get past these guys anytime soon and since you two are Eva pilots you probably know how to stop that thing."

"Huh, we have no idea," said Asuka.

"Well than I guess you kids will just have to press a few buttons and see what comes up," Her playful smile wasn't very comforting clearly she didn't know how an Eva worked "I know it's a lot to ask and this maybe strange to say but…something inside of me is telling me that you two are the only ones who can save us. It's similar to this feeling I had before the Third Impact, like a voice screaming out to me."

"I understand we'll do it," said Shinji "Besides there's someone I need to talk to."

Asuka paused and stared at Shinji. She bit her lip and clenched her fists when she realized he was talking about Kaworu. Not once has she seen such determination in Shinji's eyes, usually she has to whip him around to get him to do something. She wished she had that power again.

"There's no time to lose then," she muttered.

Suddenly, a man yelled up ahead. The three of them looked up just in time to see Guy punch a security guard in the face. The guards rushed him but Toshiro and Kenji were quick to stop them, others swiftly joined the fray as well. An all-out fight for humanity had just begun.

"God speed to you both," said Sakura.

Shinji and Asuka watched her rush into the fray to join her brother and friends in the fight. Without another word they snuck behind the crowd of people in search of the door they accidentally found earlier.

Kaworu was strangely pleased with the noise outside. It comforting to him, a brutal fight was better than the suffocating silence that filled the room. Soon another sound echoed in the room, business shoes rushing across the catwalk.

"Tabris we have a problem," spoke an out of breath SEELE member.

Kaworu had to force himself from laughing, so even the men of SEELE self-proclaimed agents of God were human enough to feel desperation.

"I can clearly see that," said Kaworu noting to the outside noise "I suppose those children did cause us some problems. Isn't that ironic?"

"I'm glad you find this amusing. We're greatly outnumbered now and if those people get into this room our plans are ruined."

"Hm that is an issue if they get inside they could disrupt me or worse they could ruin this very delicate scrap met-I mean Eva."

"I hate to say it but we have no choice….you'll have to start the Final Impact now. This is our only chance to restore the world to the way God intended. Damn, those children, I should have dealt with them earlier, it seems my negligence has cost us dearly."

"All is not lost yet, I'll just begin sooner that is all. You have nothing to fear, humanity's time on earth will end soon."

"Very well I'll leave this to you then, I'll deal with the disturbance outside."

Kaworu watched the man leave and gave a heavy sigh. His sorrowful gaze shifted towards the Eva he hated. He thought he had more time in this world, he didn't know why he was so disappointed that it was over so soon. Perhaps it was better to get it over sooner than later. Really he should be merging his consciousness with the Eva now instead of reflecting. However, he found that he couldn't bring himself to do it, his thoughts kept running towards Shinji. He wished he could see him just one more time, than perhaps his life would have some sort of meaning.

He took another deep breath and approached the Eva. The brown cloth covering fell away do to some mysterious force. Kaworu's crimson eyes met the Eva's lifeless black ones as he began to focus his Angelic powers on it and synchronize with the machine. He could already hear the Eva's voice or rather his own voice inside the dummy plug. The merging of Adam and Lilith, he could feel his own consciousness slip away becoming one with the machine. His body and the Eva were engulfed in light, their powers merging into each other. Soon he will become the soul of the Eva and everything that was Kaworu will die away leaving only an angel of destruction.

"This isn't what you wanted," spoke a female voice.

The sudden noise brought Kaworu back to earth. The light vanished along with his connection to the Eva. He turned around to find the source of the disturbance, an extremely pale naked girl. For a moment Kaworu thought he was looking at mirror image of himself. This girl had the same red eyes as him and similar light-colored hair. Taken off guard, he stopped focusing on the Eva's consciousness and smiled her.

"I see, I was told that the original Dummy plug used data from the first child," he said "It appears that the plug inside this Eva is her's instead of mine. I heard that she was also destroyed, I take you're the last of her consciousness."

The girl nodded and her soft voice repeated "This isn't what you wanted."

"You're correct but you must realize that I have to. I'm not sure why you're wasting what little time you have on this world, there's nothing you can do to stop me it's my destiny."

"That's not what you said before."

Kaworu raised an eyebrow "What do you mean?"

"You discovered something when you visited this world before, something that saved both humanity and you. You have to find it again otherwise everything both you and I have sacrificed and worked for will all be for nothing."

"What we sacrificed?"

CRASH!

Before the girl could say anymore, a door below the catwalk burst open, Shinji and the red-haired girl tumbled through it. For a moment Kaworu had his eyes locked on Shinji, the fast beating of his heart was trying to tell him something. He had a grasp on what the girl was talking about, he was so close but when he looked to the girl for answers, she was gone and with her the understanding he almost had.

"Kaworu!" shouted Shinji's voice.

The angel's attention was drawn to the boy. His beating heart grew faster and faster. So many thoughts ran through his head, most of which were memories of their short time together. Yet the one thought that stood out the most to Kaworu was that his wish was finally granted.

"Kaworu you have to stop this," Shinji pleaded.

"Words aren't going to help idiot!" screamed Asuka "Only way to stop an angel is by fighting it. Where's the ladder to the catwalk?"

As Asuka ran back and forth in search of some way up the catwalk, Shinji ignored her.

"You have to stop, this isn't you."

"I'm pretty sure it is Ikari, I'm angel. Angel's destroy humans it's what our father, Adam, wants."

"But it's not what you want. You may not remember but I know you. You're my friend and I don't want to lose you again, I don't want to lose anyone again…..So please stop."

Kaworu fell silent. If Shinji wanted this world to survive than surely it was Kaworu's obligation to fulfill that request. How strange to feel so motivated by this fragile boy's plea than the duty that thrust upon him? He opened his mouth fully prepared to tell Shinji what he felt then and jump down from the catwalk and embrace him. He wanted nothing more than to close the space between them forever. He would never get that opportunity.

The sound of footsteps echoed across the catwalk once again. Kaworu didn't need to look to know that the SEELE member had returned. He imagined that this man wasn't very pleased that his orders weren't being carried out yet.

"What are you waiting for Tabris? I told you to merge with the Eva," he screamed "Carry out the will of God."

Kaworu's crimson eyes locked on Shinji's brown ones. That's right he was not Kaworu, he was an angel. The being that was Kaworu was just a persona he took on.

"I don't want to," he sadly said "But I have no other option. Humanity's destruction is reason why I exist."

Suddenly, the black eyes of the lifeless Eva flash red. A golden light surrounds it as it creaks it limbs awake. It struggled to stand up, the screeching gears and metal made Shinji's ears scream. Was that thing truly an Eva?

The machine's black arms extended towards Kaworu, bits of its armor fell off in the process crashing to the ground below. Asuka screamed as she ran to get out-of-the-way. Blood like liquid dripped from the exposed parts coating the rails or the catwalk and the ground like the scene of a murder. Another piece of armor fell from the Eva's rusting hands and onto the catwalk, the metal fell beneath Kaworu's feet but his body remained suspended in midair. The SEELE member shouted as he scrambled to get away from the collapsing catwalk.

Shinji stayed where he was, his eyes wide with horror as he helplessly watched the Eva's bleeding hands cup around Kaworu. The angel himself weakly smiled at Shinji, his gaze never stirring away.

"I'm sorry Shinji but this is the way it was meant to be. Thank you though for coming to grant my one and only wish…Farewell."

A flash of light appeared swallowing Kaworu's form. Shinji awoke from his shock and ran towards the light. Asuka shouted his name behind him but he ignored her and ran straight into the light.

"No, Kaworu stop!" He screamed.

It can't be over, he still didn't get the chance to tell Kaworu what he shouldn't have said so long ago. If only he said it sooner than none of them would be in this situation. As if the Eva heard what he was thinking the light grew brighter and started to engulf him as well. Then a familiar voice appeared inside Shinji's head.

"I will help you one last time, Ikari," she said.

"Rei?"

Meanwhile Asuka covered her eyes blinded by the light emitting from the Eva. She called Shinji's name but there was no answer. Then she thought she heard Rei's voice for a split second but that quickly faded away. When the light finally dissipated, Asuka dared to uncover her eyes but was soon greeted by a familiar and terrifying sight.

The Eva now stood proud and tall, its black armor was no longer falling to pieces. Instead a strange muscle like substance replaced and reinforced its broken parts. Six golden wings appeared on its back and a bright halo floated above its head giving an angelic appearance but its glowing red eyes showed just the opposite.

The disturbing Eva stretched its newly restored limbs and gave out a horrifying roar that seemed to shake the entire world. What horrified Asuka the most though was that both Shinji and Kaworu were gone. Asuka fell to her knees as she watched it move. She was alone once again at the end of the world.

* * *

><p>Author's note: Sorry once again for the super long delay especially since I was so close to the climax. I better watch it or I really will be like the Evangelion authors and not publish a new chapter for a year. Anyway thanks for all the support and the new reviews. I hope you'll keep reading despite my infrequent updates, I'm very close to finishing and I promise the conclusion will be exciting and there will be more Kaworu X Shinji goodness. If you're keeping up with my fan fiction Before I go, I'm sorry I haven't updated that either I will soon. I'm just trying to finish up this one first.<p>

Thanks again for sticking with me.


	9. Chapter 8 Lost Inside

Asuka fell to her knees, her eyes wide with horror as she watched the powerful being before her stand proud and tall. All those years of being an Eva pilot were of no use to her now. She had absolutely nothing to fight it with and once more she was completely helpless on her own. She called out to Shinji once but knew she wouldn't get an answer. He was gone, maybe forever.

The hideous Eva moved its head, the gears and metal creaked as if the machine was trying to crack bones in its neck. Then it shifted its gaze through the roof of the building towards the pink sky that waited beyond it. For a long moment all was quiet, Asuka could only hear her own heavy breath as she watched the machine.

At first it appeared to her that the Eva was second guessing itself the way Kaworu was a moment ago. However, she realized that it was waiting for something, for someone. Her terror briefly melted away and replaced with sadness. She knew the soul of the Eva won't be able to see that person again.

"Rei…" the named escaped her lips. Asuka couldn't explain it but the Eva had to be Rei, it couldn't be anyone else. She could feel the girl's presence but it was weak and fading whatever was left of it was nearly gone.

"Asuka-san," spoke a soft and familiar voice.

Asuka's eyes shifted from the Eva to a mysterious girl who appeared before her. However, Rei was see-through as if she was a ghost.

"My consciousness within the Dummy Plug is fading, soon it will replaced by that Angel's mind," said Rei "But….it's not as if this was the real me anyway. I've already faded away… Asuka-san you must bring Ikari back."

"What?" Asuka protested "How am I supposed to do that out here? I don't even understand how any of this is possible. If he's in your Eva then why can't you get him?"

"Bring Ikari back."

"Hey, weren't you listening? I don't know how."

"Bring Ikari back, Asuka-san….you already know how. You've seen it happen before."

"I have? When?"

The quiet girl didn't give an answer. Instead, she vanished before Asuka's eyes. Asuka called to her again but it was no use. All was silent once more.

Suddenly, the Eva let out another horrifying roar, one that was almost a scream. Its golden wings rose up ready to take flight. Realizing what was happening; Asuka rose to her feet and scrambled to get away. The Eva rose from the ground and plowed straight through the roof as if the metal and concrete were just a small annoyance. Parts the building collapsed around Asuka as she scrambles to avoid the falling debris and escape the already destroyed warehouse.

As she ran she heard the SEELE member scream as he tried to avoid the debris. Asuka didn't have time to be annoyed with his cowardice; she needed every second to run. Pieces of metal were following her as she raced for the exit. Nearly tripping when she reached to grab the handle on the door, she didn't waste a second forcing it open. Just as she did, the Eva behind her started to take flight.

The gold wings slowly lifted the behemoth off of the ground but it created a very fast and strong gust of wind that made Asuka fly out of the door and knocked her on the ground. She groaned in slight pain struggling to pick herself up. Then a loud metallic screech behind her made her freeze. She only had time to look up in horror as a wall came crashing down upon her. Unable to get away she closed her eyes and screamed. Then a pair of strong arms snatched her from the ground.

When Asuka opened her eyes she found pieces of the building inches away from her. She shivered grateful that none of that heavy metal managed to crush her. She looked to her left finding Toshiro on his knees struggling to catch his breath.

"Whew…just in time," he said "You alright Asuka?"

She nodded in shock and then turned her attention back to the rising giant above. She could feel people gathering around her, watching the machine rise towards the heavens. The despair in the air was so thick it almost made her cry. They were done for. Despite all their struggles they were going to be erased as if humanity never once existed.

Just as Asuka was about to give up all hope, the Eva stopped. It hung in midair for a split second halting its progress. Then its wings disappeared and the Eva was left to fall. Dust flew up as the giant crumpled to the ground. People screamed covering their eyes but then all was silent.

Asuka rose to her feet and examined the Eva. Her eyes searched it looking for answers to why it suddenly stopped. Then she searched again for any sign of her friend but there was nothing. The Eva laid there like a broken doll.

" So…." She whispered "Something is happening on the inside."

* * *

><p>Shinji opened his eyes when he heard the sound of waves. Dark shades of red surrounded him. Before him was the bloody red ocean he's known all his life. Above him, the setting sun painted an even bloodier sky. The cold waves brushed against his knees, soaking the bottoms of his pants as he stood. The scene felt so real, he could even smell the noxious scent of the contaminated red water. For a moment he forgot where he was, it was as if everything that happened before was just a dream. However, the struggles that he went through as well as the heartache couldn't have been a part of his imagination. That being said where was he now?<p>

To others it must feel peaceful here, nothing but the sound of waves and the isolated breeze but to Shinji it was an incredibly lonely place. An empty hole appeared in his heart, he was on his own here and every one left him one way or another. He felt this way in a place that was exactly like this, he spoke to Kaworu. That was the day he asked Shinji how he felt about him.

"This place seems significant to me, do you know why?"

Shinji glanced to his left finding Kaworu sitting on a piece of rubble just like he did the day before he died. Kaworu smiled at Shinji and for a moment he thought he actually saw angel wings on his back. Shinji knew better though, Angels didn't really have wings.

"We met here before," answered Shinji.

The smile faded from Kaworu's face as he raised an eyebrow and cocked his head in confusion.

"We did?" he said "No, that's not right we met yesterday in the crowd. You thought I was someone else who had the same name as me. Did you ever find your friend?"

"I guess…I didn't."

"That's a shame. I was hoping that you got to see them again."

Kaworu shifts his gaze towards the open ocean. His eyes were distant as if he was trying to find something in the horizon of the red ocean. He stayed like this for a moment and sighed as he turned back to Shinji.

"We both shouldn't be here," he said "There's work for me to do, I've eliminated the girl's consciousness from the Dummy Plug so I have complete control over the Eva and now I can orchestrate the next impact. And yet here we are gazing at the sunset in a lonely memory…it must be her's, I can't recall this place but…."

He paused and slid off the rubble landing in the cool water. Shinji stepped back to avoid the splashing water. Then he remembered that nothing inside of here was real, he wasn't even sure if the conversation he was having with Kaworu was actually happening.

"It's not Rei's memory," said Shinji "It's ours. I don't know why you can't remember it but this was an important moment in both our lives. We talked here."

"We did? Are you sure you're not mistaking me for your friend again? No matter, this place isn't real whatever it means to me or you is irrelevant. I should just wipe this illusion away and complete the task I was born for."

Kaworu raised his hand and made a wiping motion but nothing happened. Everything remained the same, the waves roared quietly as if to confirm that. Kaworu looked around confused and at the same time relieved. Then he gave a heavy sigh.

"I should just wipe it away but I can't seem to do that. I thought it was her holding me back but that doesn't seem to be right…..Perhaps this Eva can feel my hatred for it...but it doesn't possess a soul so that can't be right either. So I don't understand why I can't fully unite with the Eva."

"It's because you don't want to do this."

"That is true, I don't want to. But it's not a problem what I want but what I have to do. This is after all my only purpose….."

He paused once more and looked at Shinji. Then he smiled weakly and laughs.

"At least that's what I thought until I met you….ever since you bumped into me in the crowd I've doubted my actions. You've been a strange obstacle in my path."

Suddenly, the red water and sky surrounding them faded away replaced with complete darkness. Shinji watched as Kaworu looked like a glowing moon in the night sky. He opened his mouth to ask what was happening but a blast of light at his feet interrupted him. Before he could even blink, the light formed pentacles that Shinji remembered seeing in during the Third Impact.

He could feel power and heat emitting from them. He nearly suffocated from their strength but then he reminded himself that this was all in his head, they weren't real. Instead he kept his eyes on Kaworu unaffected by the surrounding energy. An unrevealing smile was plastered on his face as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"What I should really do….is eliminate you, Ikari Shinji."

* * *

><p>Outside of the Eva, Asuka and the other survivors watched breathlessly as the Eva silently stood still like a statue. The silence only made Asuka more nervous. For the longest time no dared to look away from it as if the only thing keeping the machine asleep was thousands of eyes staring at it.<p>

"W-why is it not moving?" asked Sakura finally breaking the silence.

Asuka opened her mouth to try an answer but laughter beat her to the punch. All eyes turned from the Eva and shifted to a man in a suit crawling from the rubble. Asuka glared at him when she recognized the man as the SEELE member they were talking to earlier. She was hoping he got crushed by his own creation. He returned her glare by smiling and dusting the dirt off himself.

"Hey asshole," screamed Guy "What's so funny?"

"It's so perfectly orchestrated and ironic…" SEELE replied.

Guy raised an eyebrow and looked to Asuka for a better explanation but she only offered a shrug.

"You have no idea how long we've planned this," he continued "So many years and so much money and resources were spent on making God's will a reality. During that time we thought Ikari Gendou and his selfish desires was the only thing in that could get in our way. Royji Kaji and some other snooping fools came close but they all fell to their demise one by one. Even Ikari's delusions became his downfall. And yet…."

He paused facing the silent Eva. For a second Asuka caught him glancing at her with hatred.

"There was a twist of fate in our plans," he said "Our biggest threat, were three children who were only our pawns. The human will….was stronger than we thought. But now that obstacle will be overcome. Tabris will absorbed he Ikari boy's consciousness soon enough. Then the Eva will awaken again with nothing to stop it."

"Your wrong," screamed Asuka "Stupid Shinji can't be gone!"

There was doubt in Asuka's voice, she didn't want to believe this man's words but at the same time she knew Shinji was a weak person. Shinji gives in far too easily. She wasn't sure how long he'd last inside there if he had to mentally battle the Angel.

She turned her attention back to the Eva and started to walk closer towards it. Toshiro grabbed her arm halting her stride. He said something about it not being safe but she wasn't listening. Instead she was fighting back the tears.

She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to be defeated again. The only friend she had left was inside a monster battling both his feelings and someone he loved. Yet here she was, helpless. She gritted her teeth, sniffling back more tears.

"It can't be over," she whimpered "Not like this."

"It is," boasted SEELE "But don't worry, the world will-"

"SHUT UP!"

Everything was silent once more as everyone watched Asuka's frustration rise. Toshiro let go her instantly.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up! I don't want to hear it anymore. You're wrong! I'm not a child either. I've come this far, I'm not giving up now. Mama is watching me, everything will be alright."

She paused remembering what Rei said about getting Shinji back. Rei said she already knew how but that was a big fat lie. She reached up and rubbed her forehead trying to think. There was another time where stupid Shinji got himself stuck inside of Unit-01. NERV tried everything but not even Dr. Akagi could get him out. In the end Misato somehow succeeded where the experts couldn't and no one knew how.

She looked up at the ugly machine and glared. She wished she could kick the dumb piece of scrap metal or had her Unit-02 to teach it a lesson. However, what she really wanted was for it to release her friend.

She thought about all the times she pushed Shinji away and at the same time she let him get closer to her than any other human being. Not even Kaji, whom she adored, was as close as they were. If they get through this she promised not yell at him as much. That's when she had enough. She's tired of wishing and wanting. She needed to do something, anything at all, she wasn't a helpless doll.

She stomped her feet and clenched her fist. As she gazed upwards she muttered "Shinji isn't yours so…" Asuka looked straight into the Eva's lifeless eyes and took deep breath. Then she screamed words that seemed to echo throughout the hollow world.

"Give Shinji back dammit!"

* * *

><p>Inside of the Eva, Shinji remained calm and stood still even though Kaworu just threatened to kill him. He silently stared back at Kaworu's smiling face waiting for him to make the next move. Kaworu sighed and shrugged, the smile never wiping from his face.<p>

"So I can try fooling myself but I can never fool you," he laughed "I really should kill you. I'm an Angel after all that's what I'm supposed to do but I can never do that. Killing you seems like the greatest sin. I can't explain to you why though."

A dark pit rose in Shinji's stomach, his memories of the fateful day haunted him. The choice he made to kill the person he loved so dearly, did he commit the greatest sin? Kaworu made his decision not to kill easily why couldn't Shinji?

"Though I suppose it doesn't matter," continued Kaworu "I'm going to die anyway whether I start the Fourth Impact or not. So I may as well do what I'm supposed to before I die. My only regret is that you are caught into this."

"That's not what you said before," Shinji said as images of the past flashed through his mind. If only he protested instead of followed orders, maybe the people he loved would still be alive. He was here now though and he had one last chance to make things right.

Kaworu looked at him in confusion. Shinji took a deep breath and gathered all the words that he wanted to say all those years ago.

"It was all my fault," he said "You don't remember but we met before all this happened, before I caused the Third Impact. You were Nagisa Kaworu, an Eva pilot and….my friend. But…I-I never told you this, I just pushed you away, I pushed everyone away because I didn't want to get hurt…and it still hurt being alone."

Shinji paused taking another deep breath, he looked for Kaworu's reaction but he was silent waiting for Shinji to continue.

"The beach you imagined earlier….it was the last time we really talked. I was convinced that its better for me to be alone and to just disappear and somehow you were fascinated by me. You were reaching out to me. You asked me how I felt about you, I didn't know why it was so important to you and I didn't care. I just pushed you away because I knew you would leave me one way or another."

The conversation he mentioned was familiar to Kaworu. Suddenly, the pentacles disappeared and the darkness faded away. Within the blink of eye the sound of waves echoed once again over the looming silence. The red water-soaked their pant legs and the sky painted a red horizon again. With the scene the way it was, it was like Kaworu was experiencing déjà vu. Kaworu could almost see the memory Shinji just described. He could hear Shinji's voice, he could feel the disappointment and sorrow in his heart when Shinji pushed him away, and he could remember the thoughts he had that led to his next decision.

"And…what happened after that?" asked Kaworu.

Shinji fell silent and stared at the water. The events that happened next led to Shinji's darkest moments. He wasn't sure how Kaworu would react after admitting that he killed him.

"You snuck into NERV and stole Unit-02," Shinji finally said "You….revealed you were and Angel. Then you used Unit-02 to reach Adam."

As Shinji swallowed hard, the scene around them changed again, this time it was the last place they met, the place where Kaworu died. They stood before each other just as they did that day, this time there was no interruption, no outside force that could separate them.

"You would have use Adam to destroy the world and you said the same thing that you would die no matter what anyone did. Everyone was barking orders at me, I didn't know what to do and I….."

Shinji paused to wipe the tears forming in his eyes. The room seemed cold like it did before. The image of Kaworu in the Eva's clutches flashed in Shinji's head and a second later blood stains took his place.

"I killed you….I'm so sorry Kaworu. I loved you and you loved me but I murdered you. You didn't deserve to die, it should have been me. I wished I could take it all back but I can't. I'm sorry I did something so horrible to you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Kaworu paused as he watched tears flood out of Shinji's eyes. It made him sad to see him so hurt but in a sick way it also made him happy. So that's how he felt, he really did care about Kaworu. Because Shinji cried over his death made his life seem worthwhile, he wasn't just a pawn. This twisted feeling he had, he felt it before, it was the very moment he felt truly alive.

Then it all came back to him in the blink of an eye, every thought he ever had and all those times he spent with Shinji, the rest of the NERV team, and the things he discovered pretending to be human. He remembered looking through Unit-01's armor and saw Shinji contemplating killing him. Kaworu felt ashamed that he completely forgot his fondest memory, the moment he realized he was dead.

Kaworu closed the space between him and Shinji. Then he reached over to dry the tears from his cheeks. He gently took Shinji's chin and lifted it so he could see his face. As he smiled down at him, he said "There's no need to apologize, I don't blame you…actually I should thank you. You full filled my one and only wish."

He paused letting go of Shinji's chin. Then he started pacing around, laughing as he went.

"How could I have forgotten it all?" he said "I let it go too easily and I discovered so many interesting things from my encounters with you Shinji. You see when I first met you, I was fascinated by your fragile heart I had never seen anyone so delicate. I thought you were a complicated being, a mystery I needed to solve. However…."

He paused rubbing his head as he tried to recall more of his fragmented memories.

"To my extreme delight you weren't complicated at all, you were simply human. You're just a boy who wished to be loved and to be able to love at the same time. As it turns out….so was I. I wanted to know so badly how you felt about me, it was the only thing in the world that truly mattered but you wouldn't tell me. You refused to let me in so when I knew my time on earth was coming to an end, I knew I had to take drastic measures to find out how you feel. When you killed me, I was so happy. I knew you cared enough to full fill my request. However, that still wasn't enough for me."

Then Kaworu laughed harder so much so that held his stomach to keep himself from falling over.

"That's right I didn't come to this world to do the will of SEELE and of Adam. I came only to see you again. And yet I let those old men tell me otherwise. I was used once again. I truly am just a lowly human; it makes me wonder why I was ever called the Angel of free will."

"Kaworu…" said Shinji "You're actually happy that I killed you? You came back life just to me? I don't understand."

"What's there to understand Shinji? It's what I've been saying all along. You said it yourself, I lo-"

Suddenly, a hole of golden light appeared between them. For a moment Shinji was drawn to it as if he had to go through it. Asuka's voice pierced through the light confirming his feelings. "Give Shinji back damn it!"

Shinji paused and turned to Kaworu. That light was probably his only way out of the Eva but he wasn't sure if Kaworu could follow him. The former Angel smiled at him and nodded in encouragement.

"She's calling, you should go," Kaworu says "The world that you loved all along is waiting for you there."

"But what about you?"

"I'm going to stay here a little longer. There's one last thing I need to do so all of this can finally come to an end. But don't worry I'll return if that is what you wish for. I think I finally understand my life's purpose…no, I understand what I want to do with my life."

"….so you won't die again?"

Kaworu shook his head and indicated for him to go. Shinji look at the light and then turned back to Kaworu. Then with a reluctant sigh, Shinji followed Asuka's voice.

* * *

><p>Author's note: Wow I can't believe it's been over a year since I started this fan fiction. Once again thanks to everyone who has read and support this story. I couldn't have done it without you. Sadly the next update will be the last chapter in this fan fiction but I will make sure it ends with a bang.<p>

By the way most the scenes in this chapter references stuff that happened in the manga. If you've only watched the anime then I highly recommend starting the manga as well. There are more interactions between Shinji and Kaworu and there's a lot more in the story that wasn't explored in the anime. I thought I'd mention that to clear up any confusion.

Be sure to say with me for my last chapter and be sure to read my other works as well and I always love reading reviews.


	10. Chapter 9-End?

"Give him back!" Asuka screamed while kicking a piece of the fallen Eva "Give Shinji back you piece of scrap metal!"

"Asuka stop…." called Sakura.

Even though the Eva had been silent for an hour, the people didn't dare move. They were afraid if just one of them turned away the Eva would come alive again and bring about their end. Asuka's rampage made them all uneasy; her voice seemed to echo through a silent world.

Asuka ignored the people behind her, watching her kick the Eva. They didn't understand what she was fighting for. She couldn't give up now.

Finally Asuka stopped kicking, pausing to catch her breath. Her eyes refused to move from the Eva, Shinji was inside and for some reason he wasn't coming out no matter how much she called out to him.

"Asuka….please," called Sakura again "That's enough, I don't think he would be inside that thing."

If only she knew the possibilities the Evas opened up, even Asuka didn't know what they were truly capable of. However, she did know that Shinji was inside; his soul was somehow merged with the piece of scrap metal. She knew she couldn't give up, not when they've both come so far.

Asuka stomped her feet and made a frustrated groan.

"Grr Will you just get out of that thing STUPID SHINJI!"

Suddenly, the Eva came alive again moving and twitching as if it were a body hanging on to the last bit of life. Asuka instinctively stepped back. She watched as light surrounded the Eva rapidly getting brighter until it nearly blinded her. This lasted for a long breathless moment until the light faded away.

Asuka rubbed her eyes to get her vision back. A blurred shape sat in front of her but she couldn't make it out through the brown dots appearing in front of her eyes.

"…Where am I?" groaned Shinji's voice.

Asuka had to fight the tears in her eyes as her blurred vision made out Shinji's shape sitting in front of her. She dashed to his side with her arms wide open. She knew he wasn't dead. Then-

SLAP!

The sound echoed through the silent world. Shinji cried out in protest, wondering what he did to deserve such a punishment. He lifted his head ready to demand a explanation from her but he was cut short by the tears in her eyes.

"Don't you ever leave me all alone again," she cried and reached out to hug him.

He flinched in surprise. Did he some how end up in an alternative world? This wasn't like Asuka at all.

"I'm-I'm sorry Asuka…." Replied Shinji returning the hug.

Once they parted the sound of cheering and clapping resonated behind them. They turned to see hopeful smiles on the faces that surrounded them. If Shinji could return from the inside of such a monster then the world was not lost yet.

The two of them smiled back at the crowd. Asuka giving them a friendly wave indicating that he was alright.

"Asuka…I-I heard your voice calling me," said Shinji "Kaworu said that I had to come back but I….I'm not sure if he followed."

"Stupid Shinji, what you're saying makes no sense. Did you tell him what you wanted to say?"

Shinji turned to the Eva, staring sadly at its blank eyes. Was Kaworu still inside? He was certain the Angel would have followed him.

"I did but I'm…not sure if that was enough. He said he'll come back for me but he's…"

Asuka hit Shinji lightly on the head.

"Then he'll come back for you dummy. The important thing is that you finally grew a spine and told him how you felt. Though you almost destroyed the world again doing so, seriously look at the mess we have to clean up. You nearly gave us all a heart attack."

Shinji wasn't sure about her words. People had told him similar things, people who have proven themselves to him but even that couldn't save them.

"Come on let's get out of here," said Asuka taking his hand "I'm tired I've had enough of this end of the world business."

As if to prove her wrong, the Eva's eyes flashed red and started to creak with life. Asuka and Shinji stopped in their tracks and helplessly stared at the movement behind them. The Eva lifted its arm and slowly pulled itself up, the metal creaking and screeching as it attempted to move again. It wasn't long before the monster rose to its knees and then it stood proud and tall over the crowd of frightened bystanders.

One woman screamed and fell to her knees in despair. Even Shinji and Asuka were frozen in place unsure of what to do. The only person that was not frozen with fear was the member of SEELE, laughing triumphantly.

"At long last," he said "The world shall be restored to its rightful place. I knew mere children couldn't change anything."

He continued laughing as the Eva let out a mighty roar that seemed to shake the very earth. The golden wings appeared on the Eva's back once again lifting it off of the ground. Shinji gazed up in horror, so Kaworu really would destroy the world. Suddenly, the Eva's eyes seemed to shift towards Shinji and for a moment he thought he saw it smiling at him.

Once its gaze shifted away from Shinji, the Eva let out another roar and light surrounded it. The light shot towards the sky pushing the clouds away. The Eva began to make an ear-splitting scream sending those who were still able to stand to their knees. The light spread out blinding everything in white. Then…nothing.

Everything stopped in just one moment. The light vanished and everything was silent. The Eva itself just hung in the air. Then it started vanishing, the hideous metal heap was quickly turning into a beautiful white dust. It was as if the Eva was turning into fairy dust and scattering itself throughout the world. Shinji had to rub his eyes to make sure what he was seeing is real.

"Wh-what's going on," said Asuka.

She would never get an answer for the Eva was gone within a blink of eye. All was silent as everyone waited with bated breath for another disaster to happen. Yet nothing happened; only a sudden breeze picked up scattering the dust away.

Shinji looked up surprised to find an empty blue sky. The azure was so vibrant; he didn't recall ever seeing it this blue. He swore he could even hear birds singing in the distance. The world was filled with a different type of silence, a peaceful type. He couldn't help but believe that this was the way the world should be.

"That's all?" He whispered.

Just like that, humanity's struggle for survival against the Angels was over. It was concept that everyone knew but it was hard to accept in a world that has pulled though calamity one too many times. Shinji could hardly believe himself, there were no Angels, no SEELE, no Nerv, and no Eva. Everything that tormented him his whole life was gone in an instant. At the same time though, there was no Rei, Toji, Misato, or Kaworu. Everything that's he's lived for, he's friends, his family, and even his place in the world was gone. What was next for him now?

"Earth to Shinji!" cried Asuka punching him in the shoulder.

"Ouch, that hurt Asuka."

"Well you weren't answering me, I said let's get out of here there's work to do."

Shinji stared at her in confusion.

"Look at this mess, it's going to take a long time to get the world back to the way it was. They're going to need all the help they can get right?"

Asuka smiled cheeky at him to which Shinji couldn't help but smile weakly back. He nodded and started to walk with her.

"You useless brat you ruined everything!" shouted the SEELE member storming up to them "Humanity could have become one. All the hatred, sorrow, and anger could would be destroyed. Yet you intervened and stopped it. Why on earth would you of all people stop it?!"

Shinji was cut short of an answer when Guy stepped in-between him and the SEELE member.

"Because he's a good kid," he said "And you have no right to decide what's good for the human race."

Before the SEELE member could answer, Guy throws a punch in his face. As he stumbled back in pain, Asuka took the opportunity to kick him right in the balls. Both Shinji and Guy stared at her in slight fear.

"Overkill Asuka," said Guy.

"What I had a lot of pent-up anger," she said "And they aren't so tough without their toys huh."

"I agree completely," said Toshiro running up with some rope in hand.

He started tying the SEELE member's hand behind his back and then pulled him to his feet.

"Though to be on the safe side, a few us should round these people up and put them somewhere safe. Who knows what they'll try next."

"Good idea, I'll help you out on that," replied Guy.

"Glad to hear it. Shinji, Asuka why don't you go join the other's Kenji and Sakura are trying to help the wounded. I'm not sure how we're going to pull through again but I suppose we'll start with what's happening now."

"Got it!" shouted Asuka "Let's go Shinji."

She grabbed his hand and started tugging him along to go find their friends in the crowd. He let drag him off like a doll but his eyes were still fixed on the sky. If the Eva disappeared, than what happened to Kaworu? He had a feeling that he would never find out.

Asuka stopped in her tracks and let of him. She stared at his gloomy face and put her hands on her hips.

"What the hell Shinji?" she said "This is a time for celebration and action so what's with the sad mug….it's that Angel isn't it? You're worried about him."

Shinji continued starting gloomily at the sky, unsure of how to respond.

"Well wipe that look off your face. You and I both know that Angels are hard to kill, even if you think their dead, they're not. He'll be back. Then you two can go get married and have freaky little angel/human babies."

"You really think so?"  
>"Well yeah, you really need to have a little more faith in people. What would Misato say if she saw you like this?"<p>

"I suppose your right…wait babies? I don't think that's possible…."

"Oh anything is possible Shinji. You forget that I have a college degree, there was this professor that had an interesting theory about Angel reproduction. I'll tell you all about it if you want."

"Please don't."

"I will if you don't get your butt moving. Move Shinji!"

On her orders he started moving towards where others were noticing that she didn't call him 'stupid' that time. Before they went back to looking for Sakura, Shinji took one last look at the sky. Perhaps Asuka was right but she was just as likely to be wrong. Only time would really tell and until then there would be a hole in his heart that he can never fix.

_I'm holding you to that promise Kaworu. Come back and when you do be sure to bring my heart with you. _

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><p>Thanks guys for reading. I know its been so long since I've updated. Anyway my original plan for this story was to put a final chapter and an epilogue in one post but after seeing how long this chapter was I'm doing a separate post for the epilogue. I hope you'll enjoy it, I'll have it up (hopefully) in a few days. Thanks again for sticking with this story and me. Please review and favor me.<p> 


	11. Epilogue-Where Happiness is Found

It's been a year since the final impact but to Shinji it felt like longer than that. So much had happened since then and at times he thought he wouldn't be able to pull through. However, his friends gave him a place where he would belong, at least a place where he could pretend he did. Even after all this time though, he couldn't work up the courage to see her. That was until now.

He walked along the rugged path carrying some flowers in hand. He wasn't sure what her favorite was so he brought an arrangement of different kinds. The path was so much different from when he Asuka were last here. What once was barren and desolate was now covered in green life. Remnants of Nerv's last stand remained a few pieces of rumble, some tanks, cars, and other equipment was scattered about covered in moss and greenery as if they were part of a long forgotten battle. This kind of scene was happening all over the world; plant life was taking over wreaked buildings as if they were making up for lost time. They actually had to have volunteers pause construction and instead focus on weeding for a whole month.

Shinji paused in his stride when he stepped in something wet. He looked down finding his feet in a red puddle. This puddle was different from the ones he's known throughout his life. A bright blue ring surrounded the edges and the once vibrant red color is faded and see through. He looked to his left where a blood-red sea used to be. Now tinges of blue were eating the red away. He was told that the sea was blue before the second impact but it turned red and became inhospitable to most marine life.

Asuka believes that somehow the earth is healing itself and is reverting back to its original form. However, it was going to take a lot more work and time to make the sea hospitable again. Shinji had a feeling he won't see a completely blue ocean in his lifetime.

Stepping out the puddle, he continued his journey. His eyes fixed on the white gravestone ahead of him. There were many of them in this area, each representing a soul that has long since passed but his focus was on the stone with the cross necklace hanging off it. It surprised Shinji to know it was still there. When he approached it the necklace didn't appear damaged at all. He set the flowers down and took a deep breath.

"Hey, Misato," he said "It's been a while I know. I'm sorry, I couldn't save the world the way that you wanted me to…even now when everything is going back to normal I don't think I'm doing all that much to help. Though I'm trying to see the things you saw in me, I really am."

He paused listening to the sounds of the wind blow by. In the distance he could hear cheering. A celebration was being held today to commemorate how far humanity has come and remember the people who were long gone. Asuka and Sakura were going, they really wanted to dress up in kimonos so Shinji thought it would be a good chance to slip away for this private talk.

"A lot has happened since then, I'm sure you can see it from wherever you are…but a friend mine took up the role of leader pretty quickly. You wouldn't know it from looking at Guy but he's a great leader, he sort of reminds me of you. He managed to get everyone going after the last Eva fell even though most of us were hopeless. We've rebuilt the buildings the Angels destroyed and are working on organizing a new government. A couple of months ago Japan re-established communication with other countries. We still have such a long ways to go…but we're working on it.

Oh you'll be happy to know Asuka and I started school again. The building we're using doesn't exactly have a roof yet but it's still a school. We've even managed to find Hikari and Kensuke again…but it's not same like it was before."

He thought back to the first day of school. Since Asuka had a college degree, she volunteered to teach and walked with him. He remembered how Asuka stopped mid-sentence and dropped her bag when she spotted Hikari. For a moment he thought he saw tears in Asuka's eyes as she ran to hug her friend.

It was shortly after that Kensuke found Shinji and apologized for disconnecting with him. On that day Shinji smiled for the first time since the last impact and told his friend that it was alright. They shook hands and Kensuke began raving about the military's come back and who the hottest students were in the class. It was almost as if nothing changed at all, even though everything had.

Though he managed to patch things up with Kensuke, he could never do the same with Hikari. The four of them hung out with each other and she never showed any malice towards him but there was an uneasy feeling between them revolving around Toji's death. He doesn't think Hikari blames him but he still felt guilty around her. Hikari was going to the festival with Asuka and Sakura which was another reason he didn't go.

"Misato…there hasn't been any sign of him even though he said he'll be back. I feel as though I've lost so much. I got my friends back and we saved the world but who did I save it for? Everyone that truly loved me is…well you already know. And I feel so stupid for not seeing any of it before."

He gazed over the gravestone and set the flowers in front it. He brought his fingers to his lips remembering the kiss he and Misato shared. Tasting blood as he thought about Misato's vow to pick things up once he saved Asuka. Even though Kaworu promised he would be here, Shinji knew that promises can easily be broken.

"I'm trying to move on again but it's getting harder…Um well that's it for now I guess. Say hi to everyone for me, I don't know where their buried anymore. Tell Rei thank you and mom that I love her…and dad too."

Then Shinji turned around with nothing else to say. As he started to walk away from the grave site, he sees a figure walking towards him out of the corner of his eye. He thought nothing of it and continued to walk, thinking it was someone else coming to say hello to a lost friend. He continued his walk considering meeting up with Kensuke at the festival even though he didn't feel like celebrating.

"Excuse me but could you wait a moment?" a voice called behind him.

Shinji stopped in his tracks, his heart pounding against his chest. He knew that voice but he refused to turn around. He didn't want to get his hopes up; his heart couldn't stand for another let down. He heard the footsteps draw closer behind him and tried not to think about how soft graceful they were, so very angelic.

"You waited up, I'm glad," said the voice "This might sound strange but I believe I've been drawn here."

Shinji's heart continued pounding inside of his chest. It couldn't be. His heart was screaming at him to turn around but his head was telling him to run. Yet his body refused to obey either command.

"You see, I've forgotten who am I but I don't think that matters anyway. I woke up on the shore a beach and the strangest need to find something. For the past year I've been searching for that something and I'm not even sure what I'm looking for. But now that I'm here I realized that something might be you."

"You…," Shinji whispered quietly, tears forming in his eyes.

"I believe my life's purpose was to-"

Before the stranger could say anymore Shinji's lips were against his. Tears blurred Shinji's vision but his heart has never felt so free. This boy's voice, his warmth, he knew who it belonged to without even looking.

"I know you've told me that before," said Shinji as he pulled away "You might not know what I'm talking about but I'm tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. You don't remember but I'm sorry for everything and I'm so happy your back you're the most important person too me. I'm so sorry I never said it before Kaworu."

Kaworu stared back at him trying to wrap his head around what the boy said. Then he smiled back at Shinji and took his hand.

"You right I don't really understand what it is your saying. There are a lot of holes that need filling but I'm sure you help can help with that and perhaps."

Kaworu reached over drying Shinji's tears. Then he pressed his lips against Shinji's for another kiss

"I love you Ikari Shinji," he whispered.

Upon hearing those words Shinji felt an incredible warm feeling inside his chest like nothing he's ever felt before. He knew nothing could tear them apart again. As he stood by Kaworu's side, one thought changed his world.

_So this is happiness. _

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><p>Thank you everyone for reading and sticking with this Fan Fiction. This was my first one and I'm very proud of how it turned out. I'm very fond of this couple and I hope to write another one with them too. I hope you'll continue reading my future work. Until then this is the end.<p> 


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